2 Top of the Mornin’

2 Top of the Mornin' Everybody in the class wanted to touch Jake the Snake. Well, almost everybody. There was just one kid who didn't want to touch him. Me! I just said I wanted to touch Jake so the guys wouldn't make fun of me.

课堂上的每个人都想摸一下蛇杰克。 嗯，几乎所有人。只有一个孩子不想碰他。 我!我只是说我想碰杰克这样他们就不会取笑我了。

So I touched Jake. He felt slimy and creepy and gross. I pretended I liked it. Mrs. Patty put Jake back in her basket. She was really excited about Saint Patrick's Day coming up. "You should all wear green, of course," she said, "and we're going to have Irish step dancing, and a four-leaf-clover hunt, and a pickle parade, and..." A pickle parade? "PicklePalooza," said Mrs. Patty. "I'll tell you all about it next week. For now, I need to go visit the first graders, and Jake needs to eat lunch." "What does Jake eat for lunch?" asked Alexia. "First graders!" replied Mrs. Patty. "Gasp!" we all gasped. I'm pretty sure Mrs. Patty was kidding about Jake the Snake eating first graders for lunch. After she left, we pringled up and walked a million hundred miles from the library to our classroom. "I can't wait for Saint Patrick's Day!" Alexia said as we passed by the front office. "I can," said Andrea. "I don't like Saint Patrick's Day." What is her problem?

于是我摸了摸杰克。他觉得自己又黏又恶心。 我假装喜欢它。帕蒂太太把杰克放回篮子里。 她对圣帕特里克节的到来感到非常兴奋。 “当然，你们都应该穿绿色的衣服，”她说，“我们要跳爱尔兰踢踏舞，找四叶草，腌黄瓜游行，还有……” 泡菜游行？“PicklePalooza，”帕蒂太太说。 “下个星期我再告诉你。 现在，我要去看望一年级的学生，杰克要去吃午饭。” “杰克午饭吃什么？”亚历克西亚问。 “一年级！”帕蒂太太回答。 “喘气！”我们都倒吸了一口气。我很确定帕蒂太太说蛇杰克吃一年级学生是在开玩笑。 她走后，我们收拾行装，从图书馆走了一百多英里到教室。 “我都等不及圣帕特里克节了！”我们经过前台时，亚历克西娅说。 “我能，”安德烈说。“我不喜欢圣帕特里克节” 她有什么问题？

"Maybe we'll see a leprechaun," said Ryan. "Oooh, I hope so!" said Emily. "Leprechauns are cool," said Neil. Huh? A leprechaun? "What's that?" I asked. Everybody stopped and looked at me like I farted. "A.J.," said Michael. "You don't know what a leprechaun is?" "Uh... sure I do," I lied. Neil whispered in my ear that leprechauns are mischievous little guys who have beards and pull pranks on people. He said that if you catch a leprechaun, he'll give you a pot of gold he has hidden at the end of a rainbow.

“也许我们会看到一个小妖精，”瑞恩说。 “哦，希望如此！”爱米丽说。 “小矮妖很酷，”尼尔说。 嗯?小妖精?“那是什么?”我问。 每个人都停下来看着我，就像我放屁一样。 “a.j.，”迈克尔说。“你不知道小矮妖是什么吗？”“嗯… 我当然知道，”我撒了个谎。尼尔在我耳边悄悄说，小矮妖是一种长着胡子、爱恶作剧的淘气小人。 他说如果你抓到一个小妖精，他会给你一罐他藏在彩虹尽头的金子。

"How do you know so much about leprechauns?" I asked Neil. "I saw one on a box of cereal," he replied. Everybody was buzzing about leprechauns. But not like bees. That would be weird.* "There's no such thing as leprechauns," scoffed Andrea. "That's just another Irish stereotype."

“你怎么知道这么多小矮妖的事？”我问尼尔。 “我在一盒麦片上看到一个，”他回答说。 每个人都在谈论小矮妖。 但不像蜜蜂。那会很奇怪。“没有小矮妖这种东西，”安德里亚嘲笑道。 “这只是另一个爱尔兰人的刻板印象。”

"My dad has a type of stereo," I said. Andrea rolled her eyes at me. We were still talking about leprechauns when we got to the classroom. Our teacher, Mr. Cooper, was waiting for us. "Okay, everybody," he said as we took our seats. "Let's try to focus this morning." "Why?" I asked. "We're not cameras." "Not that kind of focus, dumbhead!" Andrea said, rolling her eyes again. Andrea is always rolling her eyes when I say stuff. I wish her eyes would roll right out of her head. I wanted to say something mean to Andrea, but I didn't have the chance because Mr. Cooper told us to turn to page twenty-three in our math books. He loves math. I hate it. I reached into my desk to get out my math book. But you'll never believe what happened next. There was a sound in the distance. It was coming from down the hall. It sounded a little bit like geese honking. Or maybe somebody was letting the air out of a giant balloon. "What's that annoying noise?" asked Alexia.

“我爸爸有一种立体声音响，”我说。 安德里亚对我翻了个白眼。 我们到教室时还在谈论小矮妖。 我们的老师库珀先生正在等我们。 “好了，各位，”我们落座时他说。 “今天早上我们要集中精神。” “为什么?”我问。“我们不是相机。” “不是那种专注，笨蛋！”安德烈说，又翻了个白眼。 我说话的时候安德里亚总是翻白眼。 我真希望她的眼珠子能滚出来。 我想对安德里亚说些刻薄的话，但我没有机会，因为库珀先生让我们翻到数学课本的第二十三页。 他喜欢数学。我讨厌它。我把手伸进书桌拿出我的数学书。 但你绝对不会相信接下来发生了什么。 远处有声音。 声音是从大厅那头传来的。 听起来有点像鹅叫。 也可能是有人在给一个巨大的气球放气。 “那是什么声音？”阿丽克西娅问。

"It sounds like sheep being tortured," said Ryan, covering his ears. But it wasn't geese or balloons or sheep being tortured. It was our principal, Mr. Klutz! He was playing the bagpipes, which is a strange musical instrument that's made up of a bunch of pipes sticking out of a bag. So it has the perfect name. "I know that song!" Andrea said as Mr. Klutz walked into the classroom. "It's 'When Irish Eyes Are Smiling.'" "Top of the mornin'!" Mr. Klutz said when the song was over. That was weird. Mornings don't have tops or bottoms.

“听起来像是绵羊被折磨，”瑞恩捂着耳朵说。 但被折磨的不是鹅、气球或羊。 是我们的校长，克鲁茨先生！他在吹风笛，这是一种奇怪的乐器，由一堆管子从袋子里伸出来组成。 所以它有一个完美的名字。 “我知道那首歌！”当克鲁茨先生走进教室时，安德里亚说。 “这是《当爱尔兰人的眼睛在微笑》。“早上好！”歌曲结束后，克鲁茨说。 这很奇怪。早晨没有上装和下装。