2 Top of the Mornin’

2 Top of the Mornin' Everybody in the class wanted to touch Jake the Snake. Well, almost everybody. There was just one kid who didn't want to touch him. Me! I just said I wanted to touch Jake so the guys wouldn't make fun of me.

So I touched Jake. He felt slimy and creepy and gross. I pretended I liked it. Mrs. Patty put Jake back in her basket. She was really excited about Saint Patrick's Day coming up. "You should all wear green, of course," she said, "and we're going to have Irish step dancing, and a four-leaf-clover hunt, and a pickle parade, and..." A pickle parade? "PicklePalooza," said Mrs. Patty. "I'll tell you all about it next week. For now, I need to go visit the first graders, and Jake needs to eat lunch." "What does Jake eat for lunch?" asked Alexia. "First graders!" replied Mrs. Patty. "Gasp!" we all gasped. I'm pretty sure Mrs. Patty was kidding about Jake the Snake eating first graders for lunch. After she left, we pringled up and walked a million hundred miles from the library to our classroom. "I can't wait for Saint Patrick's Day!" Alexia said as we passed by the front office. "I can," said Andrea. "I don't like Saint Patrick's Day." What is her problem?

"Maybe we'll see a leprechaun," said Ryan. "Oooh, I hope so!" said Emily. "Leprechauns are cool," said Neil. Huh? A leprechaun? "What's that?" I asked. Everybody stopped and looked at me like I farted. "A.J.," said Michael. "You don't know what a leprechaun is?" "Uh... sure I do," I lied. Neil whispered in my ear that leprechauns are mischievous little guys who have beards and pull pranks on people. He said that if you catch a leprechaun, he'll give you a pot of gold he has hidden at the end of a rainbow.

"How do you know so much about leprechauns?" I asked Neil. "I saw one on a box of cereal," he replied. Everybody was buzzing about leprechauns. But not like bees. That would be weird.* "There's no such thing as leprechauns," scoffed Andrea. "That's just another Irish stereotype."

"My dad has a type of stereo," I said. Andrea rolled her eyes at me. We were still talking about leprechauns when we got to the classroom. Our teacher, Mr. Cooper, was waiting for us. "Okay, everybody," he said as we took our seats. "Let's try to focus this morning." "Why?" I asked. "We're not cameras." "Not that kind of focus, dumbhead!" Andrea said, rolling her eyes again. Andrea is always rolling her eyes when I say stuff. I wish her eyes would roll right out of her head. I wanted to say something mean to Andrea, but I didn't have the chance because Mr. Cooper told us to turn to page twenty-three in our math books. He loves math. I hate it. I reached into my desk to get out my math book. But you'll never believe what happened next. There was a sound in the distance. It was coming from down the hall. It sounded a little bit like geese honking. Or maybe somebody was letting the air out of a giant balloon. "What's that annoying noise?" asked Alexia.

"It sounds like sheep being tortured," said Ryan, covering his ears. But it wasn't geese or balloons or sheep being tortured. It was our principal, Mr. Klutz! He was playing the bagpipes, which is a strange musical instrument that's made up of a bunch of pipes sticking out of a bag. So it has the perfect name. "I know that song!" Andrea said as Mr. Klutz walked into the classroom. "It's 'When Irish Eyes Are Smiling.'" "Top of the mornin'!" Mr. Klutz said when the song was over. That was weird. Mornings don't have tops or bottoms.