2. Big Nose

2 Big Nose

If I was the king of the world, I would change the calendar so it would go straight from January to March. That's right. No more February! But I'm not the king, so of course February came. We were minding our own business in Mr. Cooper's class. And you'll never believe who ran into the door at that moment. Nobody! Why would somebody run into a door? That would hurt. But you'll never believe who ran into the doorway. It was our principal, Mr. Klutz. "I have big news!" he announced. "Mr. Klutz has a big nose," I whispered to Michael, who never ties his shoes.

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"Next week, we're going to have a contest for all the third graders," said Mr. Klutz. "Oooooh!" everybody ooooohed, because contests are cool. "It's going to be Ella Mentry School against Dirk School," said Mr. Klutz. "Oooooh!" everybody ooooohed again. Dirk is another school in our town. We call it "Dork School." It's for really smart kids. Ella Mentry and Dirk are big rivals. We competed against them in the Brain Games last year, and we won. It was the greatest day of my life. "The contest is going to be on the Wednesday right after Presidents' Day," Mr. Klutz told us. "It's going to be called the 'Presidents' Day Challenge.' Doesn't that sound like fun?" "Yes!" shouted all the girls.

"No!" shouted all the boys. The Presidents' Day Challenge sounded boring to me. It was sure to be one of those educational snoozefest contests where we have to learn stuff and pretend to be having fun. Learning stuff is no fun. If we have to learn stuff, why can't we learn about skateboarding or football? Why can't we have a skateboarding contest or a football game against Dirk School? That would be cool. "Booooooooo!" the guys and me started booing. "Wait a minute," said Mr. Klutz. "The wining school will get prizes." "Oooooh!" everybody ooooohed, because winning prizes is cool. And it would be great to beat those Dirk dorks again. "There will be four prizes," Mr. Klutz told us. "The first prize is bragging rights, of

course." Bragging rights? Who cares? Grown-ups always say you can win bragging rights. But then when we actually brag about something, the grown-ups tell us that bragging isn't nice and we should stop doing it. I'm not falling for that again. "Booooooooo!" "The second prize is a year's supply of Porky's Pork Sausages," said Mr. Klutz. I like Porky's Pork Sausages. But every time there's a contest, they give away Porky's Pork Sausages. I bet Mr. Klutz has a secret deal with Peter Porky, the guy who owns the Porky's Pork Sausage company. "Booooooooo!" "I think you'll like this," said Mr. Klutz. "The third prize is... a trip to DizzyLand." "Boo—" Wait. WHAT? Did he just say a trip to DizzyLand?