1. A Hundred Days of Misery

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1 A Hundred Days of Misery

My name is A.J. and I hate February. February is the shortest month of the year. It's also the worst month of the year. Why, you ask? Four reasons... 1. It's cold, rainy, and depressing. 2. The hundredth day of the school year is in February. A hundred days!* That's a hundred days of misery, if you ask me. And we have to celebrate it, like going to school for a hundred days is a good thing! 3. February is hard to spell because it has an r in the middle of it for no reason. What's up with that? It should be spelled Febuary, if you ask me. But do you want to know the worst thing about February? I'm not gonna tell you. Okay, okay, I'll tell you. 4. Presidents' Day. Ugh. Do you know why I hate Presidents' Day?

It's a long story. You'd better sit down. If you're already sitting down, stand up. It's all because of what happened last Presidents' Day. Or really, what happened just before last Presidents' Day, on Crazy Pet Day. My friend Neil brought in his pet ferret, Mr. Wiggles. That was the day Mr. Macky, our reading specialist, came into our classroom dressed up like Abraham Lincoln. He told us we had to do an oral report about one of the presidents for Presidents' Day. All the students were going to vote for president of the school. Then our librarian, Mrs. Roopy, came into the classroom dressed like George Washington. She and Mr. Macky told us all about the presidents to help us on our reports, even the weird ones like Millard Fillmore. Or Fillard Millmore. Or Lardfill

Moremill. Whatever his name was. You're probably wondering what Mr. Wiggles the ferret has to do with Presidents' Day. I'm getting to that. So anyway, George Washington and Abraham Lincoln started insulting each other. Lincoln said he was better than Washington because he's on the five-dollar bill and Washington is only on the one- dollar bill. Washington said he was better than Lincoln because the Washington Monument is way taller than the Lincoln Memorial. The two of them started fighting. After that, we voted to see which president would become president of the school. And do you know who won? I'm not gonna tell you. Okay, okay, I'll tell you. It wasn't George Washington or Abraham Lincoln. The winner was... Neil's pet ferret! We all voted

for him! Yes, Mr. Wiggles was now President Wiggles! That was cool.