8. This Means War

8 This Means War When Pee Air came back to class with Mr. Klutz, he looked really mad. "Do you have anything to say to the girls in the class, Pee Air?" asked Mr. Klutz. "I am sorry," Pee Air said, looking at the floor. He sat down in his seat. He looked at me and made a mean face. "Maybe children are allowed to say those kinds of things in France," said Mr. Granite, "but we don't talk like that here. Do you

understand?" "Oui," said Pee Air. Ha-ha! In Pee Air's face! I guess I showed him. Maybe everybody will stop treating him like he's so perfect. Mr. Klutz left. It was time for our Valentine's Day class party. My mom had given me little valentines to hand out to everybody in the class. So did all the other moms, so we all got lots of valentines. A few kids brought in cookies from home. Pee Air brought in a big box of French chocolate. All right! It was about time we got some chocolate! "Sweets for the sweet!" Pee Air said as he handed out his chocolates to everybody. "I hope there's no snot in there," I whispered to Ryan. Actually, Pee Air's French chocolate was awesome. It was way better than our

chocolate. This was the best Valentine's Day ever. I had humiliated Pee Air, and I got to eat his chocolate, too. But that's when the weirdest thing in the history of the world happened. Pee Air stood up. Well, that's not the weird part, because Pee Air stands up all the time. The weird part was what happened next. "I would like to recite a poem... I wrote in English," he said. "It is for my special valentine." Everybody looked at Andrea. "Go ahead, Pee Air," said Mr. Granite. "We would love to hear your poem." So Pee Air started reading.... Your face is like the sun, shining there so bright. Your smile is like the sunrise

at the end of night. Your eyes are like the ocean, where fishes swim and play. Your heart and mine are one, on this, our Valentine's Day. Pee Air sat down. Everybody started clapping. Andrea looked like she was going to cry tears of happiness. All the other girls were making goo-goo eyes at Pee Air. "That was beautiful, Pee Air," said Mr. Granite. "I'm sorry I yelled at you." Oh man! Everybody liked Pee Air again! It was like he never said all that stuff about snot and vomit and underwear and head lice. Bummer in the summer!

At the end of the Valentine's Day party, while everybody was cleaning up, Pee Air pulled me aside. "Teaching me those words was mean, A.J.," Pee Air said. Well, he was right about that. It was mean. I didn't like Pee Air, and I didn't like

him eating ice cream with Andrea. "So is your face," I said to Pee Air. If you don't know what to say to somebody, just say "So is your face." That's the first rule of being a kid. "That is... as you say, the last straw!" said Pee Air.*