7. Pee Air Is Out of Control

7 Pee Air Is Out of Control When I got to school the next morning, there were red and pink flowers and hearts all over the hallways. Ugh, disgusting! I have bad news for you. A real heart doesn't look anything like those hearts they have on valentines. I saw a picture of a real heart once on TV. It was gross. Mr. Granite wasn't in class yet. All the girls were giggling around Andrea, who was telling them about her big ice cream date

with Pee Air. "When we grow up," she said, "Pee Air and I will probably get married." "Eeeeeek!" all the girls screamed. "We're going to move to Paris and eat baguettes all day," said Andrea. Pee Air walked in the doorway. He was wearing one of those weird beret thingies that people in France wear on their heads all the time. Nobody knows why. The girls

lined up to get their hands kissed by Pee Air. "Happy Valentine's Day, Pee Air!" said Andrea, holding her hand out. "Andrea, my special valentine," said Pee Air. "I would like to give you a box full of snot... for Valentine's Day." "What?!" Andrea said. "I want to share my snot with you," Pee Air said. "I have some very fine snot... that I brought from France." Andrea took a step backward. It looked like she was going to faint. "You brought snot from France?" she asked. "Yes, the best snot in the world... is French snot," said Pee Air.

"They sell snot in stores there?" she asked. "Oh yes, it is very expensive... and my family buys many boxes of snot. We store them in the... pantry."

Andrea sat down. She looked like she was going to be sick. Emily held out her hand for Pee Air to kiss. "Your eyes look like... giant toilets in the moonlight," said Pee Air as he kissed Emily's hand. "Your feet smell like... cabbages that have been left out in the sun too long. If I pick my nose... may I also pick yours? Your hair is so beautiful. Do you have head lice?" Emily started crying and went running out of the room. What a crybaby! That's when Mr. Granite arrived. "Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!" he said cheerfully. Pee Air went over to Alexia and took her hand. "Every snowflake is different... just like every piece of your dandruff. Your body odor

is so pungent. Do you have fleas? Cockroaches must be happy... to live in your underwear." "Pee Air!" said Mr. Granite. "What's gotten into you?" Pee Air went over to Annette and took her hand. "I apologize," he said. "May I taste your earwax? The perfume you are wearing... smells like elephant poop. Looking at your