6. The Greatest Idea in the History of the World

6 The Greatest Idea in the History of the World The I Scream Shop has the best ice cream in town. After school, me and the guys decided to go over there so we could spy on Andrea and Pee Air. But we didn't want to go inside the I Scream Shop. We watched what was going on from across the street. It was cool. We were like secret agents. Neil got a pair of binoculars for his birthday, so he was our

lookout as we hid in the bushes. A few minutes after we arrived, Andrea and Pee Air showed up. We watched them go inside the I Scream Shop and sit in a booth near the window. "What are they doing?" I asked Neil as he peered through the binoculars. "It looks like he's giving her a card or something," Neil reported. "It's probably some mushy love poem," I said. "It's his special valentine." A few minutes passed. "What are they doing now?" asked Ryan. "He's giving her a stuffed animal," reported Neil. "She's giggling and acting all girly." "A stuffed animal?" said Michael. "Where did he get a stuffed animal?" "From Rent-A-Stuffed-Animal," I told him. "You can rent anything."

"What are they doing now?" Michael asked a few minutes later. "They're eating ice cream," Neil reported. "It looks like strawberry."

Strawberry?! We were all bummed out. It didn't bother us that Pee Air was with Andrea. It bothered us that they were eating ice cream and we were hiding in the bushes across the street. And I love strawberry. We were also bummed out because the next day was going to be Valentine's Day. We would have to make cards and read poems and talk about the L word all day. It was going to be horrible. "Let's get out of here," I said to the guys. "That Pee Air is one smooth operator," Michael said as we walked down the street. "He probably likes the L word," I said. "He loves love," said Neil. "I hate love." "Pee Air thinks he is so great," Ryan complained. "All the girls are making goo-goo eyes at him," said Ryan.

"Even Alexia likes him," said Michael, "and she used to be cool." "We can't let that French pastry make us look bad," said Ryan. We all laughed, because Ryan called Pee Air a French pastry. "Yeah, we can't let that French pastry push us around," said Neil. "That's right!" I said. "We should teach Pee Air a lesson." "Yeah!" said Ryan. "What do you think we should—" Ryan didn't get the chance to finish his sentence, because you'll never believe in a million hundred years who came running over to us. It was Pee Air! "Hey, guys!" he said. "Why aren't you out eating ice cream with Andrea?" asked Michael. "She's your

special valentine, right?" "Andrea had to go to her... how do you say... clog-dancing class," Pee Air replied.* "Can I... hang out with you guys... for a while? Maybe I can practice my English with you." I didn't want to be Pee Air's English teacher. I looked at Ryan. Ryan looked at Michael. Michael looked at Neil. Neil looked at me. I looked at Pee Air. And that's when I came up with the greatest idea in the history of the world. "Sure, Pee Air," I said. "There are lots of English words and expressions that they don't teach you in school." "Like what?" asked Pee Air. "Like 'vomit,'" I said. "It means you have a good feeling. So if you really like somebody, you tell them that they make you vomit."