4. Lunch with Pee Air

4 Lunch with Pee Air We walked in single file to the vomitorium. It used to be called the cafetorium, but then some first grader threw up in there and it's been the vomitorium ever since. "Ooooh, sit next to me, Pee Air!" begged Andrea. "No, sit next to me!" begged Alexia. "Can I sit next to you, Pee Air?" begged Emily.

"I asked him first!" said Andrea. All the girls were fighting over who would get to sit next to Pee Air. That's good. They wouldn't be bothering us at our table for a change. "I will sit next to all of you... lovely ladies," said Pee Air. "Maybe you can... teach me some English." "And maybe you can teach us some French," said Andrea, giggling. The guys and I sat down at our table. The girls crowded around Pee Air at the next table. "I hope I get to visit Paris someday," said Andrea, who was all goo-goo eyes. "It's so romantic!" "Maybe I will... take you there someday, Andrea," said Pee Air. "Oooooooooooo!" went all the girls. Andrea was all giggly and red faced.

We took out our lunches. We all watched as Pee Air opened his backpack. I was sure he was going to pull out a bunch of frogs' legs and snails and French onion soup and other stinky, gross stuff they eat in France. "I have a baguette," Pee Air said. "What's that?" I asked. "A little bag?" But Pee Air pulled out this giant bread thing. It was like two feet long! I bet that thing is the longest bread in the history of the world. You could have a sword fight with that bread. "WOW," everybody said, which is "MOM" upside down. Pee Air also took out some more of his stinky cheese. He never runs out of that stuff. Pee Air broke off pieces of bread and cheese and handed them around to the girls. The guys and I ate our lunch without saying anything. We were trying to listen to

what they were saying at the next table. "Pee Air, what is this called in French?" Andrea asked as she held up a piece of cheese. "That is fromage," Pee Air replied. "'Fromage' is the French word for 'cheese.'" "How do you say 'napkin'?" Emily asked, holding up her napkin. "'Serviette,'" said Pee Air. "How do you say 'fish'?" asked Alexia.

"'Fish' is 'poisson,'" said Pee Air. "That sounds like 'poison'!" all the girls said, giggling uncontrollably. "Oh, Pee Air, you are simply adorable!" said Andrea. The girls were all laughing their heads off even though Pee Air didn't say anything funny. "I don't like Pee Air," I finally whispered to the guys. "Me neither," said Michael. "I think you're jealous of him, A.J.," whispered Neil the nude kid. "Me? Jealous?" I said. "I'm not jealous of him." Well, maybe I was a little jealous of Pee Air. He was really handsome and he had a cool French accent and the girls were giving him all the attention. "You're jealous that Andrea likes Pee

Air," said Neil. "I am not!" I said. "I can't stand Andrea." "Ooooo!" Ryan said. "A.J. says he can't stand Andrea. They must be in LOVE!" "When are you and Andrea gonna get married?" asked Michael. If those guys weren't my best friends, I would hate them.