1. How to Look Like a Dork

1 How to Look Like a Dork My name is A.J. and I hate wearing a tie. Ties are horrible! Who came up with the idea that boys should wear a skinny piece of cloth around their neck on holidays? That was the dumbest idea in the history of the world. "Wake up, A.J.!" my mom shouted from downstairs. "Get dressed! Don't forget to put on your new shirt and tie." What? I opened my eyes. It was Sunday. There was no school. We were on spring vacation. Why did I need to get dressed up? "Do I have to?" I yelled. "It's Easter, A.J.," my dad shouted. "Show your respect."

我的名字叫A.J. 我讨厌打领带。领带太可怕了！是谁想出的主意，男孩们应该在假期的时候在脖子上围一块细布？ 那是世界历史上最愚蠢的想法。 “醒醒，A.J.!”妈妈在楼下喊道。 “穿好衣服!别忘了穿上你的新衬衫和领带。” 怎么啦？我睁开眼睛。那是星期天。 没有学校。我们在放春假。 我为什么要盛装打扮？ “我一定要去吗？”我喊道。“今天是复活节，aj，”我爸喊道。 “表现出你的尊重。”

Respect? Why is it respectful to wear a string around your neck? That makes no sense at all. When I grow up, I'm going to be a professional skateboarder. Skateboarders don't wear ties. They wear sneakers and ripped jeans. I got up and put on my new shirt. Then I put on my dumb tie. Well, I tried to put on my dumb tie. My dad once showed me how to tie a tie, but I didn't remember very well. I put the fat end over the skinny end and looped it around. No, that wasn't right. Then I tried putting the skinny end over the fat end and looped it around. That wasn't right either. How do you tie a tie anyway? Ties are impossible to tie. "Hurry up, A.J.!" my mom yelled from downstairs. "We have to go!" I tried to tie the tie every which way.

尊重呢?为什么在脖子上戴一根绳子是一种尊重？ 这完全没有道理。 当我长大了，我要成为一名职业滑板手。 滑板运动员不打领带。 他们穿着运动鞋和破洞牛仔裤。 我站起来，穿上我的新衬衫。 然后我戴上我那愚蠢的领带。 我想戴上我那愚蠢的领带。 我爸爸曾经教过我怎么打领带，但我不太记得了。 我把粗的一端套在细的一端，然后绕了一圈。 不，那不对。然后我试着把细的一端套在肥的一端上，绕了一圈。 这也不对。你是怎么打领带的？ 领带是不可能打的。 “快点，aj !”我妈妈在楼下喊道。 “我们得走了！”我试着用各种方式打领带。

Nothing worked. It looked like a bird's nest hanging around my neck. This was going to be the worst day of my life. That's when Dad came into my room to see what was taking me so long. He was wearing his nice suit. "This tie is broken," I told him. "It doesn't work right." "Here, buddy," Dad said. "Let me help you with that." My dad stood behind me and tied the tie in like two seconds. He pulled the knot all the way up to the top.

毫无效果。它看起来像一个鸟巢挂在我的脖子上。 这将是我一生中最糟糕的一天。 就在那时，爸爸走进我的房间，想看看我怎么花了这么长时间。 他穿着那套漂亮的西装。 “领带断了，”我告诉他。 “它不能正常工作。”“给你，孩子，”爸爸说。 “让我来帮你。” 我爸站在我身后，只用了两秒钟就打平了比分。 他把绳结一直拉到顶端。

"Gak! You're choking me!" I gagged. "The tie... is cutting off the air supply... to my brain. Need... oxygen. Feel... woozy. Everything... spinning. I think I'm gonna... pass out! Must go back... to bed." "Oh, stop being so dramatic," Dad said.

“Gak !你让我窒息了！”我堵住。 “领带…正在切断空气供应… 我的大脑。需要……氧气。 感觉……头昏眼花的。一切…… 旋转。我想我要…… 通过了!必须回去……床上。” “哦，别这么夸张了，”爸爸说。

"Let's go downstairs." When we got to the top of the stairs, my mom looked up at me. A big smile spread across her face. "You look very handsome and grown up, A.J.!" "I look like a dork," I said.*

“我们下楼去吧。”当我们到达楼梯顶端时，我妈妈抬头看着我。 她脸上绽开灿烂的笑容。 “你看起来很帅，长大了，aj !”“我看起来像个笨蛋，”我说