6. Waiting in Line Stinks

6 Waiting in Line Stinks Andrea said she knew where Santa was, and she led us to the other side of the mall. Finally, we found the end of the line of people waiting to meet Santa. There must have been a million hundred kids there! I could see a sign in the distance that said SANTA'S WORKSHOP, but Santa Claus was too far away. He was in a special roped-off area. "We should sneak up to the front of the line," I whispered. "That would be wrong, Arlo," Andrea said. "These kids got here before we did." I was going to sneak up anyway, but a

big arm came down in front of my face. I looked up. You'll never believe whose arm it was. Officer Spence, our school security guard! He was standing on a Segway. Those things are cool. "Officer Spence!" I said. "What are you doing here?" "Making sure everybody waits in line," he told me. "And earning a little extra money over the holidays." "How long will we have to wait in line?" Ryan asked. "About an hour," Officer Spence said. "An hour?!" "We could die from old age while we're waiting," I said. "An hour is like forever," said Michael.

Andrea rolled her eyes. "Boys should learn to be patient," she said. I wasn't sure if it was worth it to wait in line for an hour. I thought that maybe we should just forget about meeting Santa. But that's when I heard these magic words...." Santa is giving out candy," some kid said.

"Santa is giving out candy," said some other kid. "Santa is giving out candy!" said another kid. In case you were wondering, everybody was saying that Santa was giving out candy. And if there's one thing that I love almost as much as Santa, it's candy. All the candy I got on Halloween was gone. So we decided to stay in line. But waiting in lines is boring. To kill the time, I practiced what I was going to say when I got to Santa.... "I want the new Striker Smith Commando action figure with missile launcher, voice activator, attack dog, and deluxe blowtorch. Other accessories sold separately. Batteries not included." Striker Smith is a superhero from the future who travels through time and fights

all who dare to thwart his destiny. He can turn into a jet plane when you push a button on his stomach. His armor suit is tough enough to withstand a nuclear blast. He's a one-man wrecking machine, ready to take on any evil to save the world. Two Christmases ago, I got my first Striker Smith action figure. Then on the school bus I tied a string to Striker's leg and lowered him out the window so he could fight bad guys who were attacking the bus. But Striker fell under the bus and got decapitated. That's a fancy way of saying his head came off. We had a funeral for his head.* I got a new Striker Smith last Christmas. But he met his untimely end when his head got tragically melted in a battle with an evil magnifying glass. So now I wanted to get a new Striker, the one that comes with a

blowtorch. It is cool. Most of the other kids in line were little. They didn't even look like they were in first grade yet. Man, I thought, those kids can't even read. They don't know what two plus two equals! They don't know anything. It's hard to believe that I was that dumb just a few years ago.