12. The True Meaning of Christmas

12 The True Meaning of Christmas This was the worst thing to happen since TV Turnoff Week! I wanted to go to Antarctica and live with the penguins. I jumped off the little platform to make a run for it, but I slipped on some fake snow and knocked over the Christmas tree. It landed on top of me. As I was scrambling to get up, my foot got tangled in a string of Christmas lights. When I yanked at it, sparks started flying. That must have spooked the reindeer in the petting zoo, because one of them broke out of the gate and started running around in crazy circles.

"Run for your life!" shouted Neil the nude kid. "The reindeer is on the loose!" "Watch out for those antlers!" a lady screamed. "It's heading for the food court!" somebody shouted. I finally got to my feet, and a bunch of angry parents started chasing me. "Get him!" one of the dads shouted. "Get that kid!" I bolted out of there. Crowds of people were all over the place. I had to run around them like a football player to escape the angry parents chasing me. I bumped into some lady, and she fell into a fountain.

"Help!" I shouted. "They're gonna kill

me!" I ran up the down escalator. Then I ran down the up escalator. But I didn't travel through time. The parents were still chasing me. I couldn't lose them! At the other end of the mall, I spotted the men's bathroom. Maybe I could hide in a stall, I figured. It was my only hope. I ran over there and ducked inside the bathroom. I was panting and gasping for breath. And you'll never believe who was in there, combing his hair in the mirror. Cray-Z! "Dude!" he said. "What's the matter? You look like you've been through a war!" I put my hand on his shoulder and looked him in the eye. "You've got to help me!" I begged. "I was sitting on Santa's lap, and I accidentally

pulled off his beard. The kids who were waiting in line freaked out, and now their parents are trying to get me! What should I do?" "Quick!" Cray-Z said. "Let's switch clothes again!" "Huh?" "Just do it!" I tore off my itchy Christmas sweater and gave it to Cray-Z. He tore off his clothes and gave them to me. "Now get out of here!" Cray-Z said. "And act casual." I whistled as I strolled out of the bathroom.* A bunch of angry parents were milling around, looking all over. None of them noticed me. I thought I was in the clear. But that's when the most amazing thing in the history of the world happened. An

announcement came over the public address system. Well, that's not the amazing part, because announcements come over the public address system all the time. The amazing part was what happened next. "Attention, shoppers. It's two o'clock. The young pop sensation Cray-Z is about to do some more Christmas rapping on the main stage near the big tree. Come see him perform!" Suddenly, Officer Spence came rolling over to me on his Segway. "We've been looking all over for you, Mr. Z!" he said. "Come on! Everybody's waiting!" "Huh? What? Who? Me? Again?" I asked. Officer Spence pulled me up on the Segway and rolled over to the stage.