4 The Mess Hall

4 The Mess Hall After my humiliation at the lake, we changed into our clothes and walked to the dining hall, which everybody calls the mess hall. When I walked in, the first thing I saw was a giant moose head sticking out over the door. That was weird.

"What's with the moose head?" I asked Candyman. "Anybody who gets a care package in the mail has to kiss the moose," he told me. "Why?" "It's a camp tradition," he explained as he picked some spoons out of the silverware tray and put them in the pocket of his trench coat. "Why are you stealing spoons?" I asked. "I can't take it anymore," he whispered. "So I'm gonna tunnel out of this joint. Shhhh! Don't tell anybody." "You're going to dig a tunnel with spoons?" I asked. "Yeah," he replied. "In the middle of the night. You wanna help?" "Uh, maybe some other time," I replied. That guy is weird. It was really noisy in the dining hall. After I found a seat at the Owl table, Uncle Ahdoanwanna came in. He clapped his hands and shouted, "I would like to make an announcement!" "ANNOUNCEMENTS! ANNOUNCEMENTS! ANNOUNCEMENTS!" everybody chanted.

"This afternoon," announced Uncle Ahdoanwanna, "we will have softball, basketball, and pickleball. And tonight will be a campfire in the woods." "YAY!" everybody shouted. "Ahdoanwanna! Youdoanwanna! Wedoanwanna! Theydoanwanna!" "Okay, let's eat!" shouted Uncle Ahdoanwanna. The Owl table went up to the window to get our food. There was a lady behind the counter wearing a yellow hat, yellow shirt, yellow pants, and yellow gloves. "I'm Aunt Kim," she told us. "Are you boys hungry for lunch?" "I'm starving!" I replied. "Do you have hamburgers?" "No," she said. "Hot dogs?" I asked. "Sorry, no." "Uh, chicken strips?" "Sorry." "How about a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?" I asked. She would have to have that.

"Today is Yellow Day at Camp Ahdoanwanna," she said. "All the food is yellow." Huh? That was weird. It must be another one of those camp traditions. I guess you can explain anything that makes no sense by calling it a tradition. "Do you like mac and cheese?" Aunt Kim asked me. "No," I said. "I can't stand mac and cheese." "No problem," she replied. "We have lots of other choices. Do you like corn on the cob?" "Not really," I replied. "We also have hard-boiled egg yolks, pineapples, lemons, and yellow oatmeal." Yellow oatmeal? "I'll have the mac and cheese," I told her. "Good choice!" she said, putting a big glop of the stuff on a plate. "Want more? It's all you can eat."

"I don't want to eat any of it," I said. "How about a tall glass of yellow bug juice?" she asked. Oh, man. They have so many bugs here that they put them in the juice. "Can I have juice without bugs in it?" I asked. "Sorry," she replied, "it's impossible to remove the bugs. I can give you extra bugs if

you'd like." "I'll just have water," I told her. "Lake water?" "No!" I brought my tray to the Owl table. Ryan was eating yellow oatmeal, which looked totally gross. But then, Ryan will eat anything. He had an empty glass in front of him. While he ate, he started putting stuff in the glass—ketchup. Mustard. Mayonnaise. Salt. Pepper. "What are you doing?" I asked him. "I'm inventing a new drink," Ryan replied as he mixed it up with a spoon. Ugh. Now I know why they call it the mess hall. We all agreed that Ryan's drink looked gross. "That's probably what they said about Mr. Pepsi when he invented Pepsi," Ryan said.* "What's the big deal? These are all ingredients you eat anyway." That made sense, I guess. I do like ketchup and mustard and all that other stuff. But still, his drink looked totally disgusting. "Hey, A.J.," said Michael. "I'll give you a quarter if you drink that." "I'm not drinking that," I told him.