3 Go Jump in a Lake

3 Go Jump in a Lake "It's time for swimming!" announced Uncle Ray. YAY! I love swimming. I can swim better than anybody. One time, I swam across the Pacific Ocean. Okay, I made that up. It looked like it was going to start raining, but we all put on our bathing suits and flip-flops. Then

we walked a million hundred miles through the woods. Uncle Ray let us stop off at the bathroom. I had even more mosquito bites than I thought. Those mosquitoes must love me. "Where's the pool?" I asked as we marched through the woods. "Pool?" Uncle Ray replied with a snort. "Do you think this is a country club? We swim in the lake." Lake? I never swam in a lake before. Lakes are for fishing. Lakes have mud and rocks and all kinds of gross stuff in them. Finally, we reached the lake. There was a long wooden dock going out into the water and a smaller dock floating in the middle. A lifeguard with big muscles came over to us. I knew he was the lifeguard because he had a whistle around his neck. Also, he was wearing a tank top that said LIFEGUARD on it. "Welcome to Lake Ahdoanwanna, Owls," he said. "I'm Uncle Craig. How many of you dudes already know how to swim?"

Everybody raised a hand. Uncle Craig said we'd have to pass a deep-water test to prove we were good swimmers. We would have to swim out to the floating dock, tread water for sixty seconds, and then swim back. "It will be a piece of cake," said Uncle Craig. Huh? What did cake have to do with anything? Maybe he was going to give us cake if we passed the swimming test. It was starting to drizzle, but Uncle Craig didn't seem to care. He had us line up on the dock. There were lots of mosquitoes flitting around. Of course. At least when I'm underwater, I figured, the mosquitoes can't bite me. "We have to swim in the rain?" Michael asked. "What's the matter, dude?" asked Uncle Craig. "Are you afraid you'll get wet? Ha-ha-ha!"

He laughed like that was the funniest joke in the history of jokes. "All right!" he continued. "Let's go. Ready, Owls?" "HOOT, HOOT, HOOT! WE DON'T GIVE A HOOT!" we all yelled. Uncle Craig blew his whistle. Ryan jumped in the water, swam out to the dock, treaded water for sixty seconds, and swam back. "Good job, dude!" hollered Uncle Craig. He blew his whistle. Michael jumped in, swam out to the dock, treaded water for sixty seconds, and swam back. "Nice form, dude!" hollered Uncle Craig, who definitely says the word "dude" too much. He blew his whistle again. Neil jumped in, swam out to the dock, treaded water for sixty seconds, and swam back. "Beautiful, dude!" hollered Uncle Craig. He blew his whistle again. It was my turn. I jumped in and started swimming. I swam out to the dock and started treading water. I counted ten seconds in my head. Twenty seconds. Thirty seconds.

Man, lake water is dirty! It's probably filled with plankton and bacteria and algae and other slimy stuff. Forty seconds. I felt something touch my foot while I was treading water. Was that a fish? Fifty seconds. A fish was nibbling at my toes! Or maybe it was a whole school of fish! Gross! I don't mind eating fish, but I don't want them eating me. Sixty seconds. Time to start swimming back to the dock. While I was trying to get my feet away from the fish, my mouth slipped under for a moment and I swallowed a little water. Ugh. Dirty, disgusting lake water! That's when I realized something. Fish pee in lakes! I swallowed fish pee! I was freaking out. Glub, glub. I don't know what happened after that. I don't know how much time had passed. All I knew was that I was lying on my back on the dock and

somebody was blowing air into my mouth. I opened my eyes. And you'll never believe in a million hundred years who was giving me mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. I'm not going to tell you. Okay, okay, I'll tell you. It was Andrea Young, this girl in my class at school with curly brown hair!* Noooooooooooo! "Ooooh," said Ryan. "A.J. and Andrea are kissing! They must be in love!" "When are you gonna get married?" asked Michael. I jumped up. Andrea was wearing pink sunglasses and a bathing suit with butterflies on it. A few other girls were behind her.