11. The Return of the Halloween Monster

11 The Return of the Halloween Monster "Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" we all screamed. "It's the Halloween Monster!" That big, ugly, disgusting, furry Halloween Monster was standing right in front of us! He must have followed us to Mrs. Yonkers's house. "Run for your lives!" shouted Neil the nude kid. But there was no place to run. There was no place to hide. We were trapped in the kitchen. Emily was on the floor, freaking out. For once I couldn't blame her. We were all freaking out. "Who are you?" Mrs. Yonkers yelled at the Halloween Monster. "Get out of my

house, you varmint! I didn't invite you in here." "Take our candy!" I shouted. "Go ahead. I don't want it. Just don't chop us up into little pieces. Please!" "I don't want your dumb candy," the Halloween Monster said angrily. "What do you want then?" asked Andrea. "I want... the MicroMole 4000 Expandinator!" the Halloween Monster shouted. WHAT?! "No!" Mrs. Yonkers yelled, wrapping her arms around the MicroMole 4000 Expandinator. "This is my invention!" "But soon it will be mine," said the Halloween Monster. "Think of it. I could build a larger version of your machine. Then I could take solid gold coins and turn

them into solid gold manhole covers! I could take a compact car and turn it into an SUV! I could climb inside the MicroMole 4000 Expandinator and supersize myself. I would become a giant! With this technology, I could... rule the world! Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" The Halloween Monster let out an evil, cackling laugh. He was obviously crazy. Any time somebody says they want to rule the world and they let out an evil, cackling laugh, you know they're nuts. "Get out of here before I call the police, you varmint!" shouted Mrs. Yonkers as she reached for the phone with one hand. "First hand over the MicroMole 4000 Expandinator," said the Halloween Monster. "Never!" yelled Mrs. Yonkers. "Don't make this difficult, lady," said the Halloween Monster. "Just give me the machine, and nobody will get hurt."

"No way!" "You heard her," I yelled at the Halloween Monster. "Get out of here! She's not going to give it to you." "Oh, well," he said, "then I guess I'm just going to have to take it." He reached out to grab the MicroMole 4000 Expandinator from Mrs. Yonkers's hands. She held on tight. The Halloween Monster got hold of the MicroMole 4000 Expandinator! Mrs. Yonkers grabbed it back! Then the two of them were wrestling on the floor and yelling at each other! Watching grown-ups wrestle is cool. And we got to see it live and in person. You should have been there!

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And then, suddenly, the most amazing thing in the history of the world happened. Two men burst in the front door. They were wearing policeman costumes. "Freeze, dirtbag!" they hollered at the Halloween Monster. Cops on TV always shout "Freeze, dirtbag" at bad guys. Nobody knows why. Everybody froze. But not really. It would have had to be really cold in Mrs. Yonkers's house for everybody to freeze. "Step away from the machine, mister," said one of the guys dressed up as a policeman. "Put your hands in the air." The Halloween Monster stepped away from the MicroMole 4000 Expandinator and put his hands up. "Hey, those are great costumes," I said. "I've never seen a trick-or-treater dressed up