7 Crazy-Shoes Day

Chapter 7 Crazy-Shoes Day Thursday was Crazy-Shoes Day. Neil the nude kid had on army boots. Emily wore her mother's bunny slippers. I put two old shoe boxes on my feet. Everybody came to school with crazy shoes. During recess Mrs. Lizzy came to the playground again. She had tennis rackets strapped to her feet.

"Did you wear those for Crazy-Shoes Day?" we asked her. "No," Mrs. Lizzy said. "On Thursdays I always wear tennis rackets on my feet." Mrs. Lizzy is dizzy! "What are you gonna teach us today?" asked Ryan. "Today I'm going to teach you how to make fart noises with your armpits," Mrs. Lizzy announced. What?! This lady was cool! I already knew how to make fart noises with my armpits. All boys know how to do that. But Mrs. Lizzy was really good at it. She could even change notes! She played "Mary Had a Little Lamb" on her armpits. It was amazing. You should have been there!

The girls were not impressed with Mrs. Lizzy's musical-armpit ability. "That's gross!" Emily said. "Why would anyone ever need to know how to do that?" asked Andrea. "Well, what if you were locked in a room," Mrs. Lizzy asked Andrea, "and you were tied to a chair. And you couldn't

escape no matter how hard you tried. If you could make a fart noise with your armpits, somebody might hear it and send help." "Couldn't I just yell and scream to get help?" Andrea asked. "Not if they tied a rag over your mouth," said Mrs. Lizzy. "That's why it's so important for kids to learn how to make fart noises with their armpits." "I still say it's gross," Emily said. "We're not doing that," said Andrea. "I just hope you never get locked in a room and tied to a chair with a rag over your mouth," Mrs. Lizzy told the girls. Mrs. Lizzy taught the guys and me how to play "Yankee Doodle Dandy" on our armpits. For some of the notes she used the backs of her knees. It was cool. Then Mrs. Lizzy said she had to go but told us to keep practicing our armpit farts if we wanted to

get really good at it. "We will!" we promised. We started practicing right away. Emily and Andrea said it was gross. They went off to go play on the slide. That's when I got the greatest idea in the history of the world. "Hey, any time you want girls to go away," I told the guys, "all you have to do is make armpit farts!"

"You're right!" Ryan said. "As soon as we started making armpit farts, they left!" "A.J., you're a genius!" Michael told me. "No wonder you're in the gifted and talented program," said Neil the nude kid. I should get the No Bell Prize for figuring out how to get rid of annoying girls. That's a prize they give to people who don't have bells.