5 Crazy-Clothes Day

Chapter 5 Crazy-Clothes Day Tuesday was Crazy-Clothes Day. I wore my dad's pinstriped shirt, a red bow tie, soccer shorts, mittens, and knee pads. Knee pads are cool because you can flop down on your knees and it doesn't hurt. "A.J.," Ryan said when he saw me come into our classroom, "those are the craziest clothes I ever saw."

Like he should talk! Ryan was wearing his sister's dress, his mom's fur coat, and a pair of 2009 glasses that had the 00 go over his eyes and the 2 and the 9 on either side of his head. Everybody was wearing crazy clothes. At recess, guess who showed up at the playground again? Mrs. Lizzy, of course. She was wearing a black plastic trash bag with holes cut out for her arms and legs. And she was carrying a bucket. "Hi kids!" she said when she saw us. "Hi Mrs. Lizzy!" we all yelled. "Did you dress like that because it's Crazy-Clothes Day?" asked Andrea. "No," she replied, "I always dress like this on Tuesdays."

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That was weird. But if you think that was weird, you'll never believe in a million hundred years what Mrs. Lizzy brought with her to the playground. I'm not gonna tell you. Okay, okay, I'll tell you. It was a goat! She had a goat with her! And it was on a leash! "Where did you get that goat, Mrs. Lizzy?" asked Michael. "From Rent-A-Goat," she told us. "You can rent anything. This is my friend Pootie. Goats are my favorite animals. Do you kids have pets at home?" "I have a ferret named Wiggles," said Neil the nude kid. (Last year on Presidents' Day, Neil brought Wiggles to school. Wiggles escaped from his cage, got lost, climbed onto Emily's

head, and was elected president of the school. That was weird.) "I have a dog and some fish," I said. "It's my job to feed the fish. But one time a fish jumped out of the tank and my dog ate it. That night my mom asked me if I fed the fish and I told her that I fed the fish to the dog. I wasn't too upset when my dog ate my fish, because at least my fish didn't eat my dog. That would have been weird." Everybody laughed even though I didn't say anything funny. "Well, today for recess enrichment we're going to learn another important life skill," Mrs. Lizzie told us. "I'm going to teach you how to milk Pootie the goat." What?! "Naaaaaaayyyyy," said Pootie. "Milk comes out of goats?" I asked. "I thought milk came out of cows."

"It comes out of goats, too, Arlo," said Andrea. Little Miss Know-It-All was proud of herself because she knew something I didn't know. I hate her. "See, we learned something already," said Mrs. Lizzy. "Goats give milk." "I have a question," said Andrea. "Yes?" "Is it really important for us to learn how to milk a goat?" Andrea asked. "I thought the Recess Enrichment Program was for us to learn how to do useful things, like use a camera, play musical instruments, or do arts and crafts projects." "That's an excellent question, Andrea," said Mrs. Lizzy. "But what if you were playing in the playground one day and a goat wandered over? And what if the goat needed to be milked? And what if you had never learned how to milk a goat? That