9 Plays Are Boring

Chapter 9 Plays Are Boring The next day me and Ryan were walking up the front steps to school. "Maybe Miss Laney isn't a real speech teacher," said Ryan. "Maybe she's just some crazy person who loves game shows." "Yeah," I said, "maybe she kidnapped our real speech teacher and locked her in a grass hut on a desert island. Stuff like that happens all the time, y'know." When we got to Mr. Granite's class, two guys in overalls were taking the whiteboard off the wall. "What's going on?" Mr. Granite shouted. "Sorry, pal," the guys said as they carried the whiteboard away. "Budget cuts."

"Mr. Granite, you've got to do something!" Emily said. "I don't want to rock the boat," said Mr. Granite sadly. What boat? I didn't get the chance to ask why everybody's always talking about boats, because guess who came running into the door at that moment? Nobody, because if you ran into a door it

would hurt. But guess who came running into the doorway? It was Miss Laney! She had a laundry bag over her shoulder. "I just thought of how we can save the school!" Miss Laney shouted excitedly. "We can put on a play! People would pay to get in. All your parents and friends would come. We could make a million dollars!" "I love plays!" said the girls. "I hate plays," said the boys. "Plays are boring," I said. "Especially plays where people start singing for no reason." "It doesn't have to be a musical," Miss Laney said. "We can put on a Shakespeare play." "I love him!" said Andrea. "Over the summer I memorized The Complete Works of Shakespeare!"

What is Andrea's problem? "Maybe the kids could do Romeo and Juliet," suggested Mr. Granite. "That's my favorite play." "Great idea!" said Miss Laney. I didn't like where this was going. Miss Laney would probably make me play Romeo. Andrea was sure to be Juliet. And then the guys would make fun of me and say I love Andrea. "Wait a minute," I said. "Is there gonna be kissing in this play?" "No," Miss Laney assured me. "In fact, Romeo and Juliet is a very violent story. At the end Juliet stabs herself and dies." "Andrea should play Juliet," I said. "Arlo, that's mean!" Andrea said. "And Romeo drinks poison and dies," Mr. Granite added. "Well, Andrea should play him too," I

suggested. "You can't have the same person play Romeo and Juliet!" Emily said. "We have to hold auditions," Miss Laney said. "That will make it fair." She dumped out her laundry bag and made us put on weird clothes with puffy shoulders that nobody in their right mind would ever wear. At least I got a sword, which was cool. Then Miss Laney passed out scripts and made us each read a line out loud. "Good night, Good night!" Michael said. "Parting is such sweet sorrow, That I shall say good night till it be morrow."

"What's in a name?" said Emily. "That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." "See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!" said Neil the nude kid. "O that I were a glove upon that hand, That I might touch that cheek!"