6 The War to End All Wars

Chapter 6 The War to End All Wars The next morning, I brought Striker Smith to school with me. He's a superhero action figure from the future who travels through time and fights bad guys with a sword that's attached to his hand. Striker Smith is cool. He can turn into a jet plane and fly, too. One time on the school bus I tied a string to Striker Smith's leg and threw him out the window so he could fight bad guys who were attacking the bus. But Striker fell under the bus and got decapitated. That's a fancy way of saying his head came off. I was really sad. The good news is that I got a new Striker Smith for Christmas.

Michael brought in a Chewbacca action figure from Star Wars. Ryan brought in Megatron, who is a Transformer who fights in the epic battle between the Auto-bots and Decepticons. Neil the nude kid brought in Private Gunn, who is a helicopter assault trooper who can breathe underwater. He comes with an attack dog and a deluxe blowtorch. Action figures are cool.

The girls, of course, brought in their Barbies. "This is Ballerina Barbie," Andrea said when we all met outside Room 104. "Isn't she lovely?" "Oh yes!" said Emily. "Do you like my Circus Star Barbie?" "I brought in Ponytail Barbie," said Annette. "I brought in Wedding Barbie," said Julie. Ugh. Just listening to girls talk about Barbies made me want to throw up. But soon Dr. Brad arrived. He unlocked the door and let us into his office. "Zeez are very nice toys you have," he told us. "Why did you tell us to bring them to school?" asked Andrea. "I vant you to trade toys vis each uhzer,"

he said. Huh? "I vant each boy to geeve your favorite toy to a girl," said Dr. Brad, "and each girl to geeve your favorite toy to a boy." "What?!" I said. "I'm not giving a girl my Striker Smith!" "Zees vill help each of you relate to others," Dr. Brad said. "Geeve it a try, A.J. Just for a few minutes." "Here, Arlo," Andrea said, "you can play with my Barbie." Andrea held out her Barbie to me. I backed away like she was holding up a dead rat. I didn't want to touch the thing. "Ugh!" I shouted. "Barbie germs!" "Don't be silly," Dr. Brad said. "Zees vill be fun!" He took our action figures and gave them to the girls. He took the Barbies and

gave one to each of us guys. "I'm not playing with a doll," announced. "You already do, Arlo," said Andrea. "Action figures are just dolls for boys." "They are not," I said. "Are too." We went back and forth like that for a while until I finally had to say "R2D2." Any time somebody says "are too," you should say "R2D2." That's the first rule of being a kid. "You better not break our action figures!" Ryan warned the girls. "You better not break our Barbies!" said Andrea. "SHTOP!" shouted Dr. Brad. He led me and the guys across the hall to the conference room. Dr. Brad told us to play with the Barbies and he would come

and check up on us in a little while. Then he left and closed the door behind him. I looked at Michael. Michael looked at Neil. Neil looked at Ryan. Ryan looked at me. I looked at Barbie. "I don't want to play with Barbies," said Neil the nude kid. "Me neither," said Michael. "Hey," I said, "I have an idea! Let's have a Barbie war!" "A.J., you're a genius!" said Michael. "No wonder they want to send you to Dork School." Me and Michael put two Barbies on one end of the long table. Ryan and Neil put the other two Barbies at the far end. It was time for war! The war to end all wars. The War of the Barbies! There was just one problem. Barbies don't come with weapons or anything cool