5 The Boys Against the Girls

Chapter 5 The Boys Against the Girls By the time I got back to Mr. Granite's class, everybody was at lunch. So I went straight to the vomitorium to join the guys. Andrea, Emily, and two of their girl friends were sitting at the next table. Michael had a bag of Crispy Cheezeballs. Neil the nude kid had a bag of Cheezy Crispballs. Ryan was eating carrot sticks. Ugh! Ryan will eat anything. "You were in Mr. Klutz's office for a long time, A.J.," Michael said. "Did you get in trouble?" "Yeah, what did he do to you?" asked Neil. "Are you gonna get kicked out of

school?" asked Ryan. "Nah," I told them, "but Dr. Brad is doing some tests on me. They might send me to Dirk School." "Dork School?!" the guys yelled. "Isn't that the school for genius kids?" asked Ryan. That's when Little Miss Perfect jumped up from her seat. "What?!" Andrea shouted. "You're switching to Dirk?! My mom has been trying to get me into Dirk ever since I was in kindergarten! They keep turning me down. If anybody should be sent to Dirk School, it's me! Not you!" "That's right," said Emily, who always agrees with everything Andrea says. "I wish you would go to Dork School," I told Andrea. "So we wouldn't have you around here anymore."

"Oh, snap!" said Ryan. "You know, girls are smarter than boys," Andrea said. "Some scientists did an experiment and proved it." "Some scientists should do an experiment on your face," I told Andrea. "Oh, snap!" said Ryan. "You're mean, A.J.!" Emily said. "She started it," I said. "Boys eat mud!" said Andrea's other little flunky, who was named Annette.

"Girls have six toes on each foot!" said Neil the nude kid. I knew that wasn't true, but it sounded good. "Boys are smelly!" said Julie, who was also sitting at Andrea's table. "Boys go to college to get more knowledge!" said Michael. "Girls go to Jupiter to get more stupider!" Everybody was yelling at one another. Kids at the other tables were looking at us. I was trying to think of something really

mean to say about girls, but I couldn't come up with anything good. It didn't matter though, because at that moment, Dr. Brad came rushing over to our table. "SHTOP!" he hollered. Everybody shtopped, I mean, stopped. It was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. Not a bowling pin, though. They make a lot of noise when they drop. I mean one of those little pins, like the ones my mom uses to sew stuff. "No more of zees fighting!" Dr. Brad yelled. "No more shouting! You must learn to get along!"

Dr. Brad went on and on, telling us that boys and girls need to be polite and respectful of one another so we can live in peace and harmony and all that other stuff counselors always say. Everybody was quiet while he talked. We all looked at the floor. Any time a grown-up yells, you're supposed to look at the floor. Nobody knows why. "I'm sorry, Dr. Brad," said Andrea, who never misses the chance to brownnose a