3 Dork School

Chapter 3 Dork School Dr. Brad looks like one of those mad scientists in the movies who straps people to a dentist chair and removes their brain. He's an old guy who wears a bow tie, suspenders, and those weird glasses that only cover one eye. What's up with that? And he has crazy hair, like he put his finger into a lightbulb socket. Somebody should get that guy a comb for his birthday. He is scary looking. Dr. Brad isn't like a camp counselor. Camp counselors play games, sing songs, and take you on hikes. Dr. Brad is the kind of counselor who just talks to you, which is no fun at all. Talking is boring, especially when you're talking to grown-ups.

Counselors are for kids who are different. Like kids who are smarter or dumber than everybody else. Or kids who learn faster or slower than everybody else. Or kids who have problems. Or kids who don't have problems. Or kids who are left-handed or color-blind. In other words, counselors are for everybody.

"So zees is zee young genius I heard about," Dr. Brad said. He talks funny.* Dr. Brad took out a magnifying glass and looked in my eyes. Then he looked in my ears. Then he looked in my mouth. Then he looked up my nose. "You can tell if somebody is a genius by looking at their boogers?" I asked. "That's amazing!" "Aha-ha-ha-ha," laughed Dr. Brad. "Most amusing." "What if I am a genius?" I asked. "Would that mean I wouldn't have to go to school anymore because I already know everything?"

"No, no, no!" Dr. Brad said. "Zat vould mean vee vould zend you to a special school for genius kids." "Did you ever hear of Dirk School, A.J.?" asked Ms. Coco. Dirk School?! Of course I heard of Dirk School. Everybody in our town knows about Dirk School. We call it Dork School. It's filled with genius dorks. "We're afraid that we might be holding

you back here at Ella Mentry School," Mr. Klutz told me. "You always say school is boring." "A.J., you're like a young flower," Ms. Coco said. "If you went to Dirk, they would water you and give you sunshine to help you grow and bloom." "I don't want to be a flower!" I yelled. "I don't want to get watered! I want to stay here with my friends! Dork School is filled with dorks! I promise I won't say school is boring anymore. Please don't send me to Dork! Please? Please? Please?"*

"Calm down, A.J.," said Ms. Coco. "Dr. Brad just wants to run a few tests." I didn't want to go to Dork School. I decided that nobody would ever think I was a genius. I wouldn't let them. "I vant to ask a few qvestions, A.J.," Dr. Brad said. "Vut is two plus two?" "Five," I lied. "Hmmmmmmm," said Dr. Brad. Grown-ups always say "hmmmmmmm" when they're thinking. Nobody knows why. "How vould you spell zee verd 'cat'?" asked Dr. Brad. "D-O-G," I lied. "Hmmmmmmm," said Dr. Brad. "Who vas zee first president of zuh United States?" "A penguin named Binky," I lied. "Hmmmmmmm," said Dr. Brad. "What do you think, Doctor?" asked Mr. Klutz.