8 Mrs. Jafee’s Evil Plan

8 Mrs. Jafee's Evil Plan After we dried off and changed clothes, it was time for lunch in the vomitorium. Me and the guys sat at one table. Andrea and her girly friends sat at the next table. Mrs. Jafee was walking around with a basket. "Who wants a hardtack?" she asked. "A heart attack?" I asked. "Why would anybody want one of them?" "No, silly!" Mrs. Jafee said. "Hardtack is a kind of cracker that soldiers ate during the Civil War. It's made from flour, salt, and water. I baked this batch myself, you betcha!" Hardtack sounded disgusting. Ryan said he would try a piece, because he will eat anything, even stuff that isn't food. One time he took a bite out of the seat cushion

on the school bus. Mrs. Jafee gave Ryan a piece of hardtack. He bit into it. "It tastes like cardboard," he said. Only Ryan would know what cardboard tastes like. Who eats cardboard? Ryan is weird. The rest of us told Mrs. Jafee that we didn't want any hardtack. She said she had to go back to her office.

"I can't wait until Civil War Week is over," Michael said. "Yeah, and Mr. Klutz will get back from Principal Camp," said Neil the nude kid. "Mrs. Jafee is weird." "Maybe Mrs. Jafee isn't a real vice principal," I said. "Did you ever think of that?" "Yeah," Michael said, "maybe she kidnapped our real vice principal and has her trapped in a bamboo cage that's hanging from a tree in the jungle. Stuff like that happens all the time, you know." "Stop trying to scare Emily," said Andrea at the next table. Emily looked like she was going to cry. As usual. "I'll tell you what I think," said Ryan. "Mrs. Jafee is trying to take over Mr. Klutz's job. She didn't send him to Principal Camp

so he would be a better principal. She sent him to Principal Camp so she could have him murdered!" "No!" said Emily. "It can't be true!" "I saw that in a movie once," said Michael. "I'll bet Mrs. Jafee is sitting in her office right now stroking a cat and plotting how to murder Mr. Klutz. Villains always stroke cats while they plot how to murder people." "We've got to do something!" Emily said, and then she went running out of the vomitorium. And do you know what? For once in her life, Emily was right. We did have to do something. We all scraped off our trays. Instead of going out for recess, we slinked down the hall to the office. We were slinking around like secret agents. It was cool.

Finally, we got to Mrs. Jafee's office. The door was open a crack. We peeked in. And you'll never believe in a million hundred years what Mrs. Jafee was doing in there. She was stroking a cat! "See?" Michael whispered. "I told you she's plotting to murder Mr. Klutz!" "Howdy, guys and gals!" Mrs. Jafee suddenly said. "Come on in! Meet my new

kitten. His name is Mister Fur Columbus." "He's adorable!" Andrea said, running over to pet the cat. "No, he isn't!" I said. "That cat is evil! And you, Mrs. Jafee, will stop at nothing to turn your evil plan into reality!" "Huh?" Mrs. Jafee said. "What evil plan?" "You want to be principal, don't you?" asked Michael. "Well, someday maybe, yes, I suppose," said Mrs. Jafee. "Aha!" Ryan said. "So you admit it! You sent Mr. Klutz away to be murdered so you could take over the school!" "That's silly," Mrs. Jafee said. "I told you. Mr. Klutz is at Principal Camp." "Liar!" I shouted. "Here, I'll prove it to you," Mrs. Jafee said, pulling a piece of paper from her desk