6 Stonewall Jackson

6 Stonewall Jackson Every Tuesday after fizz ed we go see Mrs. Roopy in the media center. It used to be called the "library," but over the summer they changed it to the "media center." Nobody knows why. When we got there, Mrs. Roopy wasn't around, but a guy with a beard was standing at attention in a gray army uniform. He looked a lot like Mrs. Roopy, except that he only had one arm. "Mrs. Roopy?" we all asked. "Roopy? Never heard of her," the army guy said. "General Stonewall Jackson, at your service. I am one of the most important Southern generals of the Civil War." "You couldn't possibly be Stonewall Jackson," Andrea said. "The Civil War took

place a hundred and fifty years ago." "Yes, don't I look young for my age?" said Stonewall Jackson. I was almost sure he was really Mrs. Roopy in a Stonewall Jackson costume. Mrs. Roopy is loopy. "What happened to your arm?" Neil the nude kid asked. "Sit around me on the floor and I'll tell you," Stonewall Jackson said. "It was May second, 1863, at the Battle of Chancellorsville. In the fog of war, my own men shot me by accident. The doctors had to remove my arm to save my life."

"WOW," we all said, which is "MOM" upside down. "Why do they call you Stonewall?" asked Ryan. "It was at the Battle of Bull Run in 1861," Stonewall whispered. "My Virginia brigade

was getting beaten badly. One of my men saw me and said, 'Look, there stands Jackson like a stone wall.' The men were so inspired, they went on to victory. Yep, that's how I got this nickname." Suddenly, the strangest thing in the history of the world happened—the lights went out. It was completely dark in the media center. I couldn't see my hand in front of my face. "What happened?" somebody said. "Everyone remain calm," said Stonewall Jackson. "The power must have gone out." "Nope," said a voice from the other end of the media center. "I turned out the doggone lights." "Who said that?" asked Stonewall Jackson. "Me," said the voice, "Mrs. Jafee." "Why did you turn out the lights?" Ryan

asked. "During the Civil War they didn't have electric lights," Mrs. Jafee told us. "So people had to get used to being in the dark. And studies show that children learn better in total darkness. I learned that in graduate school. You're not distracted by anything in the dark. It's easier to focus your attention. Okeydokey, I'll be back in a while to see how you guys and gals are making out in the dark." "Eww, disgusting!" we all said. "I'm scared," said Emily, the big crybaby. "Shhhhh, it's okay," Stonewall Jackson whispered. "Let me tell you another Civil War story. It was during the Battle of Gettysburg. A young woman named Jennie Wade was baking bread in her house when she was hit by a stray bullet. She was the only civilian killed during the Battle of

Gettysburg." "WOW," we all said, which is "MOM" upside down. "That's so sad!" said Emily, who thinks everything is sad. That's when an announcement came over the loudspeaker. "Stonewall Jackson, please report to the office," said Mrs. Patty, the school secretary. "I'll be right back to finish the story," said Stonewall Jackson. "Please remain calm and be on your best behavior." As soon as Stonewall Jackson left, I got up and shook my butt at the class. But nobody laughed because it was really dark and they couldn't see me. "It's spooky in here," said Emily. Somebody started making scary mouth sounds. I think it was Ryan. "It would be cool if a zombie came in