5 I Thought I Was Gonna Die

5 I Thought I Was Gonna Die Swami Havabanana told me and Andrea to stand back-to-back and link our elbows together. "Ewww, disgusting!" I said. "Her butt is touching my butt." "Oh, be quiet, Arlo," said Andrea. "This is called the double chair pose," Swami said. "As you lean against each other, take a few small steps forward."

我以为我要死了斯瓦米·哈瓦巴纳纳让我和安德里亚背靠背站着，手肘连在一起。 “呦,恶心!”我说。 “她的屁股在摸我的屁股。” “哦，安静点，阿乐。”安德烈说。 斯瓦米说：“这就是所谓的双椅子姿势。” “当你们靠在一起的时候，向前迈出一小步。”

I leaned against Andrea and took a tiny step forward. Andrea took a tiny step forward. I took another step forward. Andrea took another step forward. After a few more steps forward, it was like me and Andrea were sitting on back-to-back chairs, except that there were no chairs! It would have been cool if it had been anybody except Andrea. "See?" said Swami Havabanana. "They are like matching chairs." "Oooooh!" Ryan said. "A.J. and Andrea

我靠着安德里亚，向前迈了一小步。 安德烈向前迈了一小步。 我又向前迈了一步。 安德烈又向前走了一步。 又往前走了几步，我和安德里亚就像是背靠背坐在椅子上，只不过没有椅子！如果是除了安德里亚以外的其他人就好了。 “看到了吗？”斯瓦米·哈瓦那纳说。 “它们就像配对的椅子。” “嗡嗡!”瑞恩说。“A.J. 和安德里亚

are like matching chairs! They must be in love!" "Yoga means 'to join,'" Swami Havabanana said, as he helped me and Andrea up. "It will take us on a journey of discovery as we go in search of the life force that will awaken every cell and balance our mind, body, and spirit." "Can we just go play football?" asked Neil the nude kid. "Football is a game of violence and aggression," the swami said. "Yeah," I told him. "That's why we want to play it." Swami told us all to sit on the floor with our legs crossed. Then we had to take our feet and sort of cross our legs again. I thought I was gonna die. Now I know what it feels like to be a pretzel. "Very good!" said Swami Havabanana.

就像一对椅子！他们一定是相爱了！”“瑜伽的意思是‘加入’，”斯瓦米·哈瓦巴纳纳一边帮我和安德里亚站起来，一边说。 “它将带我们踏上一段发现之旅，我们将去寻找生命的力量，它将唤醒我们的每一个细胞，平衡我们的思想、身体和精神。” “我们能去踢足球吗？”裸体小孩尼尔问。 “足球是一项暴力和侵略的运动，”斯瓦米说。 “是的，”我告诉他。“这就是我们想玩它的原因。” 斯瓦米让我们都盘腿坐在地板上。 然后我们不得不把我们的脚，并再次交叉双腿。 我以为我要死了。 现在我知道做椒盐卷饼是什么感觉了。 “很好！”斯瓦米·哈瓦那纳说。

"That is called the lotus position." He taught us a bunch of other positions, like the downward dog, the roaring lion, the flying crow, and the sleeping tortoise.* Swami Havabanana said we could invent our own poses, too. "Look, I can touch my toes," said Emily. "I can crack my knuckles," said Michael. "I can crack my nose," said Neil. "I can make my eyelids turn inside out," I said. "Yoga is fun, is it not?" Swami asked. "Yes!" said all the girls. "No!" said all the boys. Next, we had to lie on the floor and practice breathing, which made no sense at all because any dumbhead knows how to breathe. Breathing is way overrated. "Breathe in… and breathe out," said Swami Havabanana. "Are you breathing?"

“那叫莲花位。” 他教了我们很多其他的姿势，比如下犬式、咆哮狮子式、飞鸦式和睡龟式。* Swami Havabanana说我们也可以发明自己的姿势。 “看，我能摸到我的脚趾，”艾米丽说。 “我能掰断指关节，”迈克尔说。 尼尔说：“我可以捏鼻子。” “我可以让我的眼皮翻过来，”我说。 “瑜伽很有趣，不是吗？”哲人问。 “是的！”所有的女孩都说。 “不！”所有的男孩都说。接下来，我们必须躺在地板上练习呼吸，这完全没有意义，因为任何一个傻瓜都知道如何呼吸。 呼吸被高估了。 “吸气……呼出，”斯瓦米·哈瓦那纳说。 “你还在呼吸吗？”

"Yesssssssssssssss…," we all said. Swami told us that deep breathing calms the nervous system. What's up with that? It's called the nervous system. It's supposed to be nervous. "Let go of the tension in your muscles," he said. "Are you relaxing?" "Yesssssssssssssss…" "Feel the soothing calmness take over your inner being…." "Yesssssssssssssss…" "Only when the mind is still can the true essence of life be achieved. Find your deepest self…." "Yesssssssssssssss…" "Feel the flowing life energy." "Yesssssssssssssss…" "Can you see the universe unfolding in your mind?" Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

“是的……”我们都说。 斯瓦米告诉我们深呼吸能让神经系统平静下来。 这是怎么回事？它被称为神经系统。 它应该是紧张的。 “放松肌肉的紧张感，”他说。 “你在放松吗？”“耶，耶，耶，耶，耶，耶，耶，耶，耶，耶，耶，耶，耶，耶，耶，耶，耶……” “是的……”“只有当心灵静止时，才能达到生命的真谛。 找到你内心深处的自己....” “耶……”“感受流动的生命能量。” “你能看到宇宙在你的脑海中展开吗？”Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz… I was having a dream about Yoda and Yogi doing yoga on YouTube. Then they all started fighting. Yoda had a light saber, and Yogi had a baseball bat. It was a cool dream. But suddenly I heard somebody shouting.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…我就有一个梦想关于尤达和瑜珈做瑜伽在YouTube上。 然后他们都打了起来。 尤达有一把光剑，瑜伽士有一根棒球棒。 这是一个很酷的梦。但突然我听到有人喊叫。