4 The New Fizz Ed Teacher

Chapter 4 The New Fizz Ed Teacher The bell rang, and everybody rushed to their classrooms. We pledged the allegiance with Mr. Granite. Then our computer teacher, Mrs. Yonkers, came into the classroom. "I have bad news," Mrs. Yonkers told us. "There's no computer class this week." "Why not?" asked Emily. "I love computer class!" She looked as if she was gonna cry, like always. "As you know, this is Civil War Week," Mrs. Yonkers told us, "and kids didn't have computers during the Civil War." "They didn't?" Ryan said. "How could they get on the internet?" "There was no internet," Mrs. Yonkers

said. "WHAT?!" "No internet?" I said. "No YouTube?" Sometimes me and my friends go on YouTube and search for "people falling down" or "hamsters playing the piano." I could watch that stuff for hours. "What a horrible world it must have

been without computers," Ryan said. Mrs. Yonkers told us that during the Civil War there were no calculators, no DVD players, no iPods, no airplanes, no cars, no lightbulbs, and no video games. "Did they have cell phones?" asked Neil the nude kid. "Cell phones?" Mrs. Yonkers said. "They didn't even have regular phones!" "How about big-screen TVs?" asked Michael. "Big-screen TVs?" Mrs. Yonkers said. "They didn't even have small-screen TVs!" "WHAT?!" We were all amazed. "No TVs?" I said. "Those poor kids! How did they survive?" "Back in Civil War days," Mrs. Yonkers told us, "kids would actually go outside and play." "Play? Outside?" Ryan asked. "Why

would anybody want to do a crazy thing like that?" "That reminds me," Mr. Granite suddenly said. "We have to go. It's time for fizz ed." Fizz ed! Yay! Fizz ed is my favorite part of the day because we get to play sports and games and run around the gym instead of learn boring stuff. Our fizz ed teacher, Miss Small, is off the wall. We walked a million hundred miles to the gym. But when we got there, Miss Small wasn't around. And the gym smelled funny. "What's that weird smell?" I asked. "I think it's incense," said Andrea. I never heard of that stuff, but it stinks. I thought I was gonna throw up. In the far corner of the gym, there was a guy lying on the floor. We all ran over to see

if he was okay. That's when I saw that the guy wasn't really lying on the floor. He was lying on a bed made of nails! A bed made of nails?! The guy got up. He was wearing a turban on his head. "Oh, excuse me," he said in a squeaky voice. "I was just taking a nap." "On nails?" Neil said. "Doesn't that hurt?" "Not at all," he said. "It is very comfortable. Studies show that children learn faster when they sleep on a bed of nails." Those kids are weird. I know what I would learn if I slept on nails. I would learn to get off those dumb nails and go to sleep in a real bed. That's when Mrs. Jafee came into the gym.

"Okeydokey!" she said. "I want to introduce you guys and gals to Swami Havabanana. He's from India." "Good day," Swami Havabanana said as he bowed to us. "It is a most beautiful morning in which to be alive, is it not?" "Where's Miss Small?" we all asked. "Oh, her?" said Mrs. Jafee. "I fired her, by golly! Swami Havabanana is our new