3 Nice and Calm

Chapter 3 Nice and Calm When I came into the school on Tuesday morning, I saw the strangest thing in the history of the world: four grown-ups sitting in chairs playing violins!* And they were all dressed up in black suits and dresses! Mrs. Jafee was watching them. "What's going on?" I asked. "Mr. Klutz told me he wants everything to be nice and calm while he's away," said Mrs. Jafee. "So I hired a string quartet. Studies show that children can relax and learn better when they listen to soothing music." "I think we would learn better if we ate lots of ice cream, cookies, cake, and candy," I said. "Hmmmmm," said Mrs. Jafee.

星期二早上，当我走进学校时，我看到了世界上最奇怪的事情：四个成年人坐在椅子上拉小提琴！*他们都穿着黑色的西装和裙子！杰菲太太在看着他们。 “发生什么事了？”我问。 “克鲁茨先生告诉我，他希望他不在的时候一切都好、都平静，”杰菲太太说。 “所以我雇了一个弦乐四重奏。 研究表明，孩子们听舒缓的音乐可以放松下来，学得更好。” “我想如果我们多吃冰淇淋、饼干、蛋糕和糖果，我们会学得更好，”我说。 “嗯，”杰菲太太说。

Grown-ups always say "Hmmmmm" when they're thinking. Nobody knows why. That's when Little Miss Brownnoser waltzed into the hallway. "Oh, I just love classical music," Andrea announced (as if anybody asked her). That's Violin Concerto number 5, by Mozart. I learned about it in the music appreciation class I take after school."

大人在思考的时候总是说“嗯” 没人知道为什么。就在这时，小布朗诺瑟小姐迈着华尔兹走进了走廊。 “哦，我就是喜欢古典音乐，”安德里亚宣布（好像有人问她似的）。 这是莫扎特的第五小提琴协奏曲。 我是在放学后上的音乐鉴赏课上学到的。”

Andrea takes classes in everything after school. If they gave a class in picking lint out of your belly button, Andrea would take that class so she could get better at it. Why can't a truck full of violins fall on her head? The hall was filling up with kids and teachers listening to the boring music. "Man, that's the fattest violin in the history of the world," I said. "That lady can't even hold it up." "It's a cello, dumbhead!" Andrea said, rolling her eyes. "Oh, snap!" said Ryan. "Well it looks like a violin that needs to, go on a diet, if you ask me," I said. Everybody clapped after the boring song was over. Then the musicians started playing some other boring song. "Can you feel the tension oozing out of your pores?" Mrs. Jafee said, taking a deep

安德里亚放学后要上各种课程。 如果他们开设了一门如何从肚脐上捡绒毛的课程，安德里亚会选修这门课，这样她就能在这方面做得更好。 为什么装满小提琴的卡车不能砸在她头上？ 大厅里坐满了孩子和老师，听着无聊的音乐。 “伙计，这是世界历史上最胖的小提琴，”我说。 “那位女士连手都举不起来。” “这是大提琴，笨蛋！”安德烈说，翻白眼。 “哦，糟了！”瑞恩说。“嗯，它看起来像一把需要节食的小提琴，如果你问我的话，”我说。 那首无聊的歌结束后，每个人都鼓掌。 然后音乐家们开始演奏其他一些无聊的歌曲。 “你能感觉到从毛孔里渗出的紧张感吗？”杰菲太太边说边深了一下

breath. "I learned in graduate school that listening to classical music increases the flow of blood to your brain." "Ugh, disgusting!" I said. "I don't want blood flowing to my brain." "Arlo," Andrea said, "if blood didn't flow to your brain, you would die." I was going to say something mean to Andrea, but I realized that Mrs. Jafee had just said the most amazing thing in the history of the world. "Wait a minute," I said to her. "Did you just say you went to graduate school?" "You betcha!" she said. "After I finished college, I went to graduate school so I could learn more." I slapped my forehead. Was she out of her mind? Why would anybody want to go to school after they graduated from school? What is Mrs. Jafee's problem?

呼吸。“我在研究生院学到，听古典音乐可以增加大脑的血液流动。” “啊,真恶心!”我说。 “我不想让血液流向我的大脑。” “阿乐，”安德里亚说，“如果血液不流向你的大脑，你会死的。” 我本来想对安德里亚说些刻薄的话，但我意识到杰菲夫人刚刚说了世界历史上最惊人的话。 “等一下，”我对她说。 “你刚刚是说你读过研究生吗？”“当然！”她说。 “大学毕业后，我去读了研究生，这样我可以学到更多东西。” 我拍了拍额头。她疯了吗？ 为什么有人在毕业后还想去上学呢？ 杰菲太太怎么了？

"After I graduate," I told her, "I'm not going anywhere near a school." "Well, I spent four years in graduate school studying how children learn," Mrs. Jafee told me. "I'm looking forward to trying some of those new and exciting ideas right here at Ella Mentry School this week. We're going to think outside the box." Huh? Why would anyone be thinking ina box to begin with? If I was in a box, I know what I would be thinking about: how to get out of that dumb box! Mrs. Jafee was weird. If she was really a learning expert, she would have learned that after you graduate, you don't have to go to school anymore. "The music is soooooooo beautiful!" Andrea said. "Don't you think so, Arlo?" "Yeah, just the opposite of your face," I said.

“毕业后，”我告诉她，“我不会去学校附近的任何地方。” “嗯，我在研究生院花了四年时间研究儿童是如何学习的，”杰菲太太告诉我。 “我期待着本周在艾拉门特里学校尝试一些新的、令人兴奋的想法。 我们要跳出思维定势。” 嗯?为什么会有人在盒子里思考呢？ 如果我在一个盒子里，我知道我会想什么：如何从那个愚蠢的盒子里出来！杰菲太太很奇怪。 如果她真的是一个学习专家，她就会知道毕业后，你不必再去学校了。 “这音乐太美了！”安德里亚说。 “你不这么认为吗，阿乐？”“是的，正好和你的脸相反，”我说。

I wanted to say "So is your face." But that would have meant that Andrea is beautiful. And if the guys ever heard me say that, they would say I was in love with her. So don't ever say "So is your face" after somebody says a word like "nice" or "pretty" or "beautiful." That's the first rule of being a kid.

我想说“你的脸也是” 但那意味着安德里亚很漂亮。 如果男人听到我这么说，他们会说我爱上她了。 所以不要在别人说了“好”、“漂亮”或“漂亮”之后说“你的脸也是”。 这是当孩子的第一准则。