2 A New National Holiday

Chapter 2 A New National Holiday We were all glad that Mr. Klutz wasn't leaving for good, because he's the best principal in the history of the world. One time I got sent to his office for bad behavior and he gave me a candy bar. It was the greatest moment of my life. After Mr. Klutz's big announcement, we went back to class with our teacher, Mr. Granite, who is from another planet. "G'day, mates!" said Mr. Granite. "This week we're going to learn about the Civil War. It was called the War between the States because the Northern states and the Southern states fought each other." What?! That makes no sense at all. "If you're gonna have a war," Michael said, "you should fight somebody else."

我们都很高兴克鲁茨先生不会永远离开，因为他是世界历史上最好的校长。 有一次我因为行为不端被送到他的办公室，他给了我一块糖果。 那是我一生中最伟大的时刻。 在克鲁茨先生宣布了重大消息后，我们和来自另一个星球的格拉尼特老师一起回到教室。 “你们好，伙计们！”格拉尼特先生说。 “这周我们将学习美国内战。 这场战争被称为州际战争，因为北方各州和南方各州互相打仗。” 什么? !这完全没有道理。 “如果你要打一场战争，”迈克尔说，“你应该和别人打。”

"Yeah," I said. "Having a war with yourself is like punching yourself in the nose." "Maybe we ran out of other countries to fight," said Ryan, "so we had to fight ourselves." "Boys are dumbheads," said Andrea, rolling her eyes. I was going to say "So is your face" to Andrea, but you'll never believe in a million hundred years who walked into the door at that moment. Nobody, because if you walked into a door it would hurt. But you'll never believe who walked into the door way. It was Mrs. Jafee, the vice principal! "To what do we owe the pleasure of your company, Mrs. Jafee?" asked Mr. Granite. (That's grown-up talk for "What are you doing here?")

“是的，”我说。“与自己开战就像打自己的鼻子。” “也许我们没有其他国家可打了，”瑞安说，“所以我们必须自己打。” “男孩子都是傻瓜，”安德烈说，翻了个白眼。 我本来想对安德里亚说“你的脸也是”的，但你绝对不会相信那一刻走进来的是谁。 没人，因为如果你撞到门会很疼的。 但你绝对不会相信是谁走进了门口。 是杰菲夫人，副校长！“什么风把你吹来了，杰菲太太？”格拉尼特先生问。 （这是成年人说的“你在这里干什么？”）

"Howdy, guys and gals!" said Mrs. Jafee. "I'm still new at Ella Mentry School, so I wanted to introduce myself to each class personally. With Mr. Klutz away for four days, I say it's a good chance for us to get to know each other better, by golly." "Does anybody know what the word 'vice' means in 'vice principal'?" asked Mr. Granite.

“大家好！”杰菲太太说。 “我还是艾拉门特里学校的新生，所以我想亲自向每个班级介绍自己。 克鲁茨先生要离开四天，我想这是我们更好地了解彼此的好机会，天哪。” “有人知道‘副校长’里的‘副校长’是什么意思吗？”格拉尼特先生问。

A bunch of hands shot in the air. Mr. Granite called on Michael. "Vice means 'not good enough,'" Michael said. "Like, the vice president isn't good enough to be president." "Uh, not exactly," said Mrs. Jafee.

一群人举起了手。 格拉尼特先生拜访了迈克尔。 “Vice的意思是‘不够好’，”迈克尔说。 “比如，副总统不够好，不能当总统。” “呃，不完全是，”杰菲太太说。

I got called on next. "My dad uses a vice in his workshop to hold stuff," I said. "I took one of my sister's dolls and crushed it in the vice. That was cool." "Uh, not that kind of vice, A.J.," said Mr. Granite. Andrea was waving her hands around like somebody who was stranded on a desert island trying to signal a plane. She is so annoying. Andrea keeps a dictionary on her desk so she can look up words and show everybody how smart she is. "A vice is a bad habit, like smoking, drinking, or gambling," she said. "Yes, but that's not it either," said Mr. Granite. Ha! For the first time in her life, Andrea got something wrong! It should be a national holiday. They could call it

下一个轮到我了。“我爸爸在他的工作室里用一把虎钳夹东西，”我说。 “我拿起姐姐的一个娃娃，用虎钳把它压碎了。 这太酷了。”“呃，不是那种恶习，a.j.，”格拉尼特先生说。 安德里亚挥舞着双手，就像一个被困在荒岛上的人试图向飞机发出信号一样。 她真烦人。安德里亚在桌子上放了一本字典，这样她就可以查单词，向大家展示她有多聪明。 “恶习是一种坏习惯，比如抽烟、喝酒或赌博，”她说。 “是的，但也不是这样，”格拉尼特先生说。 哈!这是她人生中第一次犯错！这应该是一个全国性的节日。 他们可以称之为

Dumbhead Andrea Day. We should get that day off from school every year. Nah-nah-nah boo-boo on Andrea! In her face! "Vice means 'instead of' or 'in the place of,'" Mrs. Jafee told us. "I'm going to be responsible while Mr. Klutz is away. Do you know what it means to be responsible?" "That means you mess up a lot," I said. "Any time something goes wrong at my house, my mom says I'm responsible." Everybody laughed even though I didn't say anything funny. "You haven't been vice principal for very long, Mrs. Jafee," said Mr. Granite. "Are you sure you have enough experience to be principal?" "You betcha!" Mrs. Jafee said. "When I sit at my desk, I can see Mr. Klutz's office." I didn't see what that had to do with anything.

笨蛋安德里亚·戴。我们应该每年都放一天假。 不不不，安德里亚！在她脸上！“Vice的意思是‘代替’或‘代替’，”杰菲太太告诉我们。 “克鲁茨先生不在的时候，我要负责。 你知道负责是什么意思吗？”“那意味着你搞砸了很多事情，”我说。 “只要家里出了问题，我妈妈就会说我有责任。” 大家都笑了，尽管我没说什么好笑的话。 “你当副校长的时间不长，杰菲太太，”格拉尼特先生说。 “你确信你有足够的经验当校长吗？”“那还用说!”杰菲太太说。 “当我坐在办公桌前时，我能看到克鲁茨先生的办公室。” 我看不出这有什么关系。