3 The Peanut Butter and Jelly Bandit

3 The Peanut Butter and Jelly Bandit Officer Spence shoved Mr. Klutz against the wall and started searching through his pockets. "You can't arrest the principal of our school!" said Andrea. "Oh no?" Officer Spence said. "Just watch me." "I didn't steal anything!" said Mr. Klutz. "Oh no?" asked Officer Spence, holding up a spoon he found in Mr. Klutz's pocket. "What's this?" "It's a spoon," Mr. Klutz said, "for my yogurt." "Yogurt!" Officer Spence snorted. "Yeah, right! A spoon can be a deadly weapon,

Klutz! You could gouge somebody's eyes out with one of those things. I'm going to have to confiscate this yogurt and do a DNA test on it." "WHAT? Why?" "You have the right to remain silent, Klutz," Officer Spence said. "So shut up! Now open that briefcase. Nice and slow. And don't make any false moves!" Mr. Klutz put his briefcase on the table and opened it. "What have we here?" Officer Spence said as he held up two sandwiches. "Those are peanut butter and jelly sandwiches," Mr. Klutz said. "And I suppose you were going to eat a yogurt and three peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch today, eh?" asked Officer Spence. "That's right," Mr. Klutz said. "I love

peanut butter and jelly." "YOU'RE THE PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY BANDIT!" Officer Spence yelled, pointing his finger at Mr. Klutz. "You steal food from hungry children. Is that the way you roll, Klutz?" "No!" Mr. Klutz said. "My wife made those sandwiches for me. She makes my lunch every day." Officer Spence grabbed the front of Mr. Klutz's shirt and yelled in his face. "That's right; blame it on your wife! You're pathetic, Klutz! I know how to handle punks like you." "But—" Officer Spence spun Mr. Klutz around and handcuffed his hands behind his back. "But I didn't do anything!" Mr. Klutz protested. "I'm the principal!" "The criminal is always the one you least

suspect," said Officer Spence. At that moment, our vice principal, Mrs. Jafee, came rushing over. "What's the doggone problem here?" she asked. "I heard some yelling." "Freeze, dirtbag!" shouted Officer Spence. "You're under arrest!" "WHAT!" yelled Mrs. Jafee as he handcuffed her. "Take them away, boys!" Officer Spence shouted. "The two of 'em make me sick!" The guys with bulletproof vests led Mr. Klutz and Mrs. Jafee out of the vomitorium. We looked out the window and saw them get into a police car. The sirens were screaming and the lights were flashing as the police car drove away. "WOW!" we all said again, which is "MOM" upside down. I didn't like seeing Mr. Klutz and Mrs.

Jafee get arrested, but I had to admit it was cool. A lot of weird things have happened at Ella Mentry School, but this was the first time our principal and vice principal were taken away in handcuffs.

I looked at Ryan. Ryan looked at Michael. Michael looked at Neil. We were all looking at each other. Nobody knew what to say. Nobody except Andrea, of course. "My name is Andrea, and I'm on the Principal's Advisory Committee," she said to Officer Spence. "Aren't you overreacting a little? I mean, it was just a sandwich." "Just a sandwich, Andrea?" Officer Spence said, sneering. "Oh, you don't know the first thing about how the criminal mind works. First they steal a sandwich. If they get away with it, they come back the next day and take your whole lunch. And if you don't stop them right there, the next thing you know, they stole your refrigerator." "You think Mr. Klutz is going to steal a refrigerator?" Michael asked.