2 Officer Spence Is Weird

2 Officer Spence Is Weird My mom never forgets my peanut butter and jelly sandwich! I turned my lunch box upside down just to make sure the sandwich wasn't stuck to the bottom. "Hey, which one of you stole my PB&J?" I asked the guys. "Not me," said Ryan. "Wasn't me," said Michael. "Don't look at me," said Neil the nude kid. That's when the weirdest thing in the history of the world happened. Our school security guard, Officer Spence, came running over really fast. He gets to carry cool stuff on his belt—a walkie-talkie, handcuffs, and one of those clubs they use to beat up bad guys on TV.

"Did I hear something about a stolen PB&J?" Officer Spence said. "That's the third one this week!" "My mom probably forgot to pack it," I told him. "It's not a big deal." "No, this looks like a robbery to me," said Officer Spence. He grabbed his walkie-talkie and started shouting into it. "We have a Code Red at Ella Mentry School! A PB&J heist! Need backup! Fast! This is an emergency!" "But Officer Spence, really, I don't need

I never had the chance to finish my sentence, because that's when five big guys in bulletproof vests came charging into the vomitorium! They surrounded our table. It was scary, but cool, too. "Nobody move!" Officer Spence shouted at us. He took a roll of yellow tape out of his pocket and wrapped it around our chairs. "Don't touch anything! This is a crime scene. Nobody leave this room. I'll have to question each of you."

Everybody in the vomitorium was shouting and screaming and freaking out. That's when Mr. Klutz came over. He's the principal of Ella Mentry School, and he has no hair at all. I mean none. His head is so shiny, you can see yourself in it. Mr. Klutz was eating a sandwich. "Is there the problem here?" he asked. Suddenly, Officer Spence wheeled around and pointed his finger at Mr. Klutz as if it was a gun. It was just like policemen do to bad guys on TV. "Freeze, dirtbag!" he yelled.

"WOW!" we all said, which is "MOM" upside down. On TV, the police always yell "Freeze, dirtbag!" when they catch a bad guy breaking the law. Nobody knows why. But I never thought anybody would say "Freeze, dirtbag!" to the principal of a school. It was cool. Mr. Klutz put his hands in the air. "Step away from the sandwich, Klutz, and nobody gets hurt!" Officer Spence said. "You're under arrest!" "On what charge?" Mr. Klutz asked. "Robbery!" said Officer Spence.