1 The Mystery of the Missing PB&J

Officer Spence Makes No Sense!

斯宾塞警官没道理！

1 The Mystery of the Missing PB&J My name is A.J. and I hate school. I was in the vomitorium eating lunch with the guys. Our lunch lady, Ms. LaGrange, was walking around saying hello to everybody. "Bon appétit!" Ms. LaGrange said when she got to our table. Ms. LaGrange is from France, so she's always saying weird stuff like "Bon appétit." I know that "appetite" means "being hungry" and "bon" means "bone." So when French people get hungry, I guess they eat bones. French people are weird. "I invented a new food!" Ms. LaGrange

我的名字叫A.J. 我讨厌学校。我在体育馆和大家一起吃午饭。 我们的午餐女服务员拉格朗日女士走来走去，向每个人问好。 “祝你胃口好!”拉格朗日走到我们这张桌子旁说。 拉格朗日女士来自法国，所以她总是说些奇怪的话，比如“祝你顺利”。 我知道“appetite”的意思是“饥饿”，“bon”的意思是“骨头”。 所以法国人饿的时候，我猜他们会吃骨头。 法国人很奇怪。“我发明了一种新的食物！”Ms。 拉格朗日

told us. "Would you like to try it?" I never try new foods. That's the first rule of being a kid. New foods are yucky. We all looked in the bowl Ms. LaGrange was holding. "What is it?" asked Ryan, who will eat anything, even stuff that isn't food. "Take a guess," said Ms. LaGrange. "Is it noodles?" asked Michael, who never ties his shoes. "Not exactly," said Ms. LaGrange. "Is it pasta?" asked Neil, who we call the nude kid even though he wears clothes. "Nope," said Ms. LaGrange. "It's a combination of noodles and pasta." "What's it called?" I asked. "Poodlenasta!" said Ms. LaGrange. Poodlenasta? Who names a food poodlenasta? Ms. LaGrange is strange. Ryan tried some poodlenasta, but the rest

告诉我们的。“你想试试吗？”我从不尝试新食物。 这是当孩子的第一准则。 新食物令人作呕。我们都往碗里看。 拉格朗日持有。“这是什么？”瑞恩问，他什么都吃，甚至不是食物的东西。 “猜猜看，”拉格朗日说。 “是面条吗？”迈克尔问，他从来不系鞋带。 “不完全是，”拉格朗日说。 “这是意大利面吗？”尼尔问，尽管他穿着衣服，我们还是称他为裸体孩子。 “没有，”拉格朗日说。 “这是面条和意大利面的结合。” “叫什么名字？”我问。 “Poodlenasta!”拉格朗日说。 Poodlenasta吗?谁把食物命名为poodlenasta？ 拉格朗日女士很奇怪。瑞恩试了些狮子狗，但其他的

of us said it looked gross. Neil opened his bag of Crispy Chips. Michael took out a bag of Crunchy Cheezy Crackos. My mom packed me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I love peanut butter. And I love jelly. So peanut butter and jelly together is the perfect combination. The guy who invented the PB&J sandwich was a genius. He should get the No Bell Prize. That's a prize they give out to people who don't have bells. This annoying girl named Andrea Young with curly brown hair was at the next table.* She was sitting with her crybaby friend Emily. Andrea thinks she is so smart because she's a member of P.A.C. That's the Principal Advisory Committee—a group of nerds who get to boss around the principal. Andrea was talking really loud to make sure we all heard her.

我们中的一些人说它看起来很恶心。 尼尔打开他那袋脆皮薯片。 迈克尔拿出一袋脆皮脆脆饼干。 我妈妈给我准备了花生酱果冻三明治。 我喜欢花生酱。我喜欢果冻。 所以花生酱和果冻是完美的组合。 发明PB&J三明治的人是个天才。 他应该得诺贝尔奖。 那是他们发给没有铃铛的人的奖品。 隔壁桌坐着一个叫安德里亚·杨的棕色卷发的讨厌女孩。她和爱哭的朋友艾米丽坐在一起。 安德里亚觉得自己很聪明，因为她是政治行动委员会的成员 那是校长顾问委员会——一群对校长颐指气使的书呆子。 安德里亚说话声音很大，好让我们都听到。

"Did you know that girls live longer than boys?" Andrea said. "Really?" asked Emily. "I didn't know that." "Yes, it's true," said Andrea. "I read it in my encyclopedia." Andrea reads the encyclopedia for fun in her spare time. What is her problem? I slapped my head. "Girls do not live longer than boys," I told her. "Do too." "Do not." We went back and forth like that for a while. "Boys would live longer if they ate healthy foods," said Andrea. "You shouldn't eat chips. They have a lot of fat in them." "So does your face," I said. "Oh, snap!" said Ryan.

“你知道女孩比男孩长寿吗？”安德里亚说。 “真的吗？”艾米丽问。“我不知道。” “是的，这是真的。”安德烈说。 “我在百科全书里读到的。” 安德里亚在业余时间读百科全书消遣。 她有什么问题？我拍了拍我的头。 “女孩并不比男孩活得长，”我告诉她。 “也是。”“不要。”我们这样来来回回聊了一会儿。 “如果男孩吃健康的食物，他们会活得更久，”安德里亚说。 “你不应该吃薯片。里面有很多脂肪。” “你的脸也是，”我说。 “哦，糟了！”瑞恩说。

I hate Andrea. Why can't a ton of chips fall on her head? "So what are you eating?" Michael asked Andrea. "Nuts and berries and veggies?" "My mom packed me some yummy tofu," Andrea told us. "TOE FOOD?!" we all yelled. I'd rather die young than eat food made from toes. Andrea held up her fork with a piece of that toe food stuff on it. It was white. Ugh, disgusting! It looked like a big toe. I thought I was gonna throw up. "Not 'toe food,' dumbheads!" Andrea said. "It's tofu!" It sounded a lot like "toe food" to me. That's when the most amazing thing in the history of the world happened. I opened my lunch box. Well, that's not the amazing part,

我讨厌安德里亚。为什么一大堆筹码不能砸到她头上？ “那你在吃什么？”迈克尔问安德烈。 “坚果、浆果和蔬菜？”“我妈妈给我带了一些美味的豆腐，”安德里亚告诉我们。 “脚趾食物？！”我们都喊道。 我宁愿英年早逝也不愿吃脚趾做的食物。 安德里亚拿起叉子，叉子上有一块脚趾上的东西。 它是白色的。啊,真恶心!它看起来像一个大脚趾。 我以为我要吐了。 “不是‘脚趾食物’，笨蛋！”安德里亚说。 “这是豆腐!”对我来说，这听起来很像“脚趾食物”。 就在那时，世界历史上最神奇的事情发生了。 我打开我的午餐盒。这还不是最神奇的地方