2 Coach Hyatt Is Mean

Chapter 2 Coach Hyatt Is Mean Girls aren't supposed to be football coaches! That's a scientific fact. What do girls know about pushing and shoving and knocking kids on their butts? Girls only care about puppies and butterflies, and what color nail polish they have on. But the lady who got out of the Mini Cooper was Coach Hyatt. I knew because she had a big name tag on her shirt that said MY NAME IS COACH HYATT. She blew her whistle. "Line up!" Coach Hyatt barked. We all looked at her. I wasn't about to line up for some lady coach. Ladies don't know the first thing about football. My mom thinks that sacking the quarterback means you put a bag over his head.

Like I said, moms are weird. Coach Hyatt blew her whistle again. "I SAID, 'LINE UP!'" We all lined up. Coach Hyatt looked mean. We were all shaking and shivering and quivering.

"Now listen up!" she barked. "This is my son, Wyatt. He's on the team, whether you like it or not." Wyatt Hyatt? I knew right away this kid was weird. Wyatt was a little guy. He looked like he was in first grade. Wyatt was picking his nose and wiping it on his helmet. "I hope you kids are ready to work!" barked Coach Hyatt. "Uh, we're here to play football," I told her. "Well, you're gonna work! And you're gonna sweat! And you're gonna stink! And you know what?" "What?" we all asked. "You're gonna like it!" she barked. Coach Hyatt was scary! Some kids were already whimpering and saying they wanted to go home.

"Aren't you taking this a little too seriously?" asked Michael. "We're only eight years old." "When I was eight," Coach Hyatt told us, "I built a log cabin with my bare hands." I didn't know what that had to do with anything. But I wasn't about to complain, because Coach Hyatt seemed so mean. "Can I go to the bathroom?" one kid asked. "No!" Coach Hyatt barked. "Bathrooms are for losers. You're weak! I'll chew you up and spit you out. I'm gonna turn you ragamuffins into winners!"

I didn't know what a ragamuffin was. I figured it must be a muffin made out of

rags, or a rag made out of muffins. But it didn't matter. If winners are people who aren't allowed to go to the bathroom, I think I'd rather be a loser. I didn't even have to go to the bathroom; but after Coach Hyatt said we weren't allowed to, suddenly I had to. I hate when that happens. She made us run all the way around the field, which is like a million hundred miles. Then she made us run all the way around the field backward, which is even farther. Then she made us run all the way around the field sideways! We were huffing and puffing and holding our sides. When we finished, Wyatt picked his nose. There was a big jug of Gatorade on the bench, but Coach Hyatt wouldn't let us drink any. "Can we take a break now?" Ryan asked.