13 UFM

Chapter 13 UFM* On TV, the winning football team dumps Gatorade over the coach's head at the end of the game. "Hey," I whispered to the guys, "let's dump the Gatorade over Coach Hyatt's head!" "Great idea, A.J.!" Ryan said. I should get the No Bell Prize. That's a prize they give out to people who don't have bells. Coach Hyatt was facing away from us, talking to some parent. Neil unscrewed the top from the jug of Gatorade. Me and Michael and Ryan grabbed the jug. Wyatt just picked his nose. "Man, this jug is heavy!" Michael said, grunting.

"Hey, we picked up a car, didn't we?" Ryan said. We lifted the giant jug and carried it over to Coach Hyatt. The parent she had been talking to was walking away. Coach Hyatt was about to blow her whistle. That's when we dumped the entire jug of Gatorade over her head. It was great! Gatorade was everywhere! Coach Hyatt was soaked! That's when the strangest thing in the history of the world happened. Coach Hyatt grabbed her throat. It looked like she was trying to say something, but she couldn't. All that came out of her mouth was a whistling noise. "She's choking!" Ryan yelled. "Her whistle is caught in her throat!" Coach Hyatt was gagging and looking really scared.

"She can't breathe!" Neil yelled. "We've got to do something!" shouted Emily. "This is all your fault, Arlo!" Andrea said. "It was your idea to dump the Gatorade on her head!" I looked at Ryan. Ryan looked at Neil. Neil looked at Andrea. Andrea looked at Emily. Everybody was looking at everybody else. "Does anybody know the Heimlich maneuver?" one of the parents shouted. The Heimlich maneuver is this thing you do when somebody has something caught in their throat. "A.J. does!" Ryan yelled. "That's right!" shouted Andrea. "He saved my life once."

It was true. One time, Andrea was choking on an apple, and I punched her in the stomach to make the apple pop out. I grabbed Coach Hyatt from behind and punched both of my fists against her stomach. The whistle shot out of her mouth. "You saved my life, A.J.!" said Coach Hyatt. The whistle kept flying up in the air. And

you'll never believe in a million hundred years what it hit. Rufus the Doofus! That whistle must have had a sharp edge, because it tore a hole in Rufus. Rufus started flying crazily around in the air! Rufus faked left! Rufus faked right! Then Rufus must have run out of air, because he was falling out of the sky! "Run for your lives!" shouted Neil. "It's an Unidentified Flying Moose!" Everybody freaked out and went running in all different directions and crashing into each other. Rufus was heading straight for the group of cheerleaders! And then… WHAM! Rufus landed right on Emily!

Emily was on the ground under Rufus, freaking out, like always. It was hilarious. We saw it live and in person. "Owwww, my leg!" Emily yelled. We all gathered around and picked Rufus up off Emily. It was easy, because we had already picked up a Mini Cooper and a jug of Gatorade. "Are you okay, Emily?" asked Andrea. "No, I'm not okay!" Emily yelled with tears in her eyes. Sheesh, what a crybaby! So a moose fell