1 The Boringest Store in the World

Mr. Granite Is from Another planet!

花岗岩先生来自另一个星球！

Chapter 1 The Boringest Store in the World My name is A.J. and I hate school. Do you know which months are the best months of the year? July and August, of course! Because there's no school over the summer. YAY! The only problem is that now it's September. BOO! Bummer after the summer! School starts tomorrow. So my mom said we had to go to this store called Staples to buy back-to-school supplies. Ugh! Staples is the boringest store in the history of the

第一章世界上最无聊的商店我叫A.J. 我讨厌学校。你知道一年中哪几个月是最好的吗？ 当然是七月和八月了！因为暑假不上课。 耶!唯一的问题是现在是九月。 嘘!夏天过后的流浪汉！明天就要开学了。 所以我妈妈说我们得去一家叫史泰博的商店买返校用品。 啊!史泰博是美国历史上最无聊的商店

world. They don't sell video games or toys or any cool stuff. They just sell pens and pencils and ultraboring junk like that. My mom had a list of things I had to get for third grade. After we found the boring book covers, boring binders, boring colored pencils, and boring glue sticks, I wanted to get a pen with a laser beam in it. Laser beams are cool. I saw this movie where they used a laser beam to kill aliens from outer space. But they don't sell pens like that at Staples. They do have one cool thing—a copy machine. Copy machines are cool because you can put your head on the glass and make a funny picture of your face. It only costs eight cents! But you have to be sure to close your eyes or you'll go blind. I stuck my head in the copy machine and closed my eyes. I was reaching for the

世界。他们不卖电子游戏、玩具或任何很酷的东西。 他们只卖钢笔和铅笔之类的东西。 我妈妈列了一张清单，上面写着我三年级要买的东西。 在我们找到了无聊的书皮、无聊的活页夹、无聊的彩色铅笔和无聊的胶棒之后，我想买一支里面有激光束的笔。 激光束很酷。我看过一部电影，他们用激光束杀死来自外太空的外星人。 但史泰博不卖这种笔。 他们确实有一个很酷的东西——复印机。 复印机很酷，因为你可以把你的头放在玻璃上，然后把你的脸做成一张有趣的照片。 只要八美分！但是你一定要闭上眼睛，否则你会瞎的。 我把头伸进复印机里，闭上了眼睛。 我在伸手拿

START button when I heard the most horrible sound in the history of the world…. "Hi, Arlo!" Ugh! It was Andrea Young, this annoying girl in my class with curly brown hair. I hate her. Andrea calls me by my real name because she knows I don't like it. I took my head off of the copy machine. Andrea was with her mom, who looks just like Andrea but with wrinkles. "Are you buying back-to-school supplies

开始按钮时，我听到了世界历史上最可怕的声音.... “嗨,奥尔罗!”啊!是安德里亚·杨，我班上那个棕色卷发的讨厌女孩。 我恨她。安德里亚叫我的真名因为她知道我不喜欢这样。 我把头从复印机上移开。 安德里亚和她的妈妈在一起，她的妈妈长得很像安德里亚，只是有皱纹。 “你在买返校用品吗

too, Arlo?" Andrea asked. "No," I told her. "I'm skydiving." When somebody asks you a dumb question, you should always give them a dumb answer. That's the first rule of being a kid. "I would never put my face in a copy machine," said Andrea. "Why not?" "Because I'm one of a kind!" Andrea said. "You should put your face in a paper shredder instead," I suggested. Andrea rolled her eyes. Why can't a copy machine fall on her head? My mom and Andrea's mom were talking about the weather. Grown-ups are really interested in weather. Nobody knows why. So I was forced to talk to Andrea. "Which do you like better, Arlo," Andrea

太,奥尔罗?”安德里亚问道。“不，”我告诉她。 “我跳伞。”当有人问你愚蠢的问题时，你应该给他们一个愚蠢的答案。 这是当孩子的第一准则。 “我绝不会把我的脸放在复印机里，”安德烈说。 “为什么不?”“因为我是独一无二的！”安德里亚说。 “你应该把脸扔进碎纸机里，”我建议道。 安德烈翻了个白眼。为什么复印机不能砸在她头上？ 我妈妈和安德里亚的妈妈在谈论天气。 大人们对天气很感兴趣。 没人知道为什么。所以我被迫去找安德里亚。 “你更喜欢哪一个，阿乐？

asked, "this notebook with a picture of kittens on it or this one with elephants on it?" "Do they have a notebook with a picture of elephants stomping on kittens?" I asked. Andrea rolled her eyes again. Our moms said we could play around on the office chairs for a few minutes while they talked about the weather. "Let's pretend we're grown-ups working in a real office!" Andrea said. I sat at one of the desks and picked up a fake telephone. "Send over a million dollars!" I barked into the phone. "NOW!" "Where's my coffee?" Andrea shouted. "I'll die if I don't have coffee!" "You're fired!" I barked again. "Get out!" Pretending to be a grown-up is fun. "I need to file some reports," Andrea

我问：“这个笔记本上有小猫的照片，还是这个有大象的照片？”“他们的笔记本上有大象踩小猫的图片吗？”我问。 安德烈又翻了个白眼。 我们的妈妈说我们可以在办公室的椅子上玩几分钟，而她们则谈论天气。 “让我们假装我们是在真正的办公室里工作的成年人吧！”安德里亚说。 我坐在一张桌子旁，拿起一个假电话。 “寄100万美元过来！”我对着电话吼叫。 “现在!”“我的咖啡呢？”安德里亚喊道。 “不喝咖啡我会死的！”“你被解雇了!”我又叫了一声。 “出去!”假装成人很有趣。 “我需要提交一些报告，”安德里亚