3. Girls Rule. Boys Drool

Chapter 3 Girls Rule. Boys Drool. The guys and I all agreed that sword fighting was cool. Instead of us playing games in fizz ed, they should let us fight with swords. All that running and jumping and stabbing each other would be good exercise. After the assembly we went back to Mr. Granite's class. It was time for math. I hate math. "Let's say there are fifteen lightbulbs burning in your house," Mr. Granite told us, "and you turn off seven of them when you leave for school. How many are still burning?" "Eight!" we all shouted. "Wrong!" said Mr. Granite. "The correct answer is zero. You should never leave any

lights burning when you leave your house. It's a waste of electricity." That's when the most amazing thing in the history of the world happened. Ms. Leakey, the health teacher, came running into the room. That lady must run everywhere. "To what do we owe the pleasure of your company?" asked Mr. Granite. That's grown-up talk for "What are you doing here?" "It's time for health class!" Ms. Leakey said, all excited. "Everybody up on your feet!" "Uh, we're in the middle of a math lesson right now," said Mr. Granite. "Great!" said Ms. Leakey. "The kids can count while they do jumping jacks! Let's go! One! Two! Three! Four!" Mr. Granite didn't look very happy that

his math lesson had been interrupted. He picked up a newspaper and started reading it. We all got up and started doing jumping jacks with Ms. Leakey. I don't really like to do jumping jacks, but it was better than doing math. "Five! Six! Seven! Eight!" shouted Ms. Leakey. "Let's get that blood flowing!" "Ew, disgusting!" I said as I jumped up and down. "I don't want my blood flowing."

"If your blood didn't flow, you would die, Arlo," said Andrea, who calls me by my real name because she knows I don't like it. "Your face should die" I told Andrea., Ms. Leakey made us touch our toes, reach for the sky, bend over backward, and do all kinds of other weird stuff. Then she told us to sit down so she could talk about nutrition. "Your body is like a machine," Ms. Leakey told us. "The heart is like the engine of your body, and the food you eat is like the battery. Candy, chips, cookies, and junk food make weak batteries. If you want strong batteries, you need to eat fruits and vegetables—things that grow out of the ground." "Ew, I'm not gonna eat something that grew in dirt!" I said. "That's disgusting."

"Sugar grows in dirt," Ms. Leakey told me. "That must be some sweet dirt," I said. "Do you kids know which is the most important meal of the day?" asked Ms. Leakey. Little Miss Perfect was waving her arm around like it was on fire. Naturally, Ms. Leakey called on her. "Breakfast!" Andrea said, all proud of herself. "That's right," Ms. Leakey said. "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day." "Breakfast is conceited," I said. "Mr. Granite told us you shouldn't think you're more important than anyone else." I looked at Mr. Granite. He was in the back of the room reading his newspaper. He

looked annoyed. "Yeah," said Ryan. "How does that make lunch feel?" "Do you think lunch and dinner are jealous of breakfast because it's more important?" asked Michael. "Lunch and dinner don't have feelings," Ms. Leakey told us. "They're just meals." "Didn't we learn in social studies that all meals are created equal?" I asked. "That's men, dumbhead!" said Andrea. "All men are created equal." "Your face is a man," I told Andrea. "That doesn't even make sense, Arlo!" "Your face doesn't make sense," I told Andrea. "Oh, snap!" said Ryan. "I think breakfast is selfish," said Neil the nude kid. "You eat shellfish for breakfast?" I asked.