11. The New Health Teacher

Chapter 11 The New Health Teacher Well, word got around pretty fast that Ms. Leakey was stuffing her face with junk food. Everybody was wondering if she would come to school the next day. And sure enough, she was nowhere to be found. We even looked in the Dumpster. Me and the guys went to Mr. Klutz's office to find out what happened. "Where's Ms. Leakey?" I asked. "I fired her," Mr. Klutz said. "You know how she was always running away to go exercise? Well, it turned out that she was just running to the Dumpster to eat junk food." "So you fired her just because she ate junk food?" Ryan asked.

第十一章新来的健康老师嗯，消息很快就传开了。 利基把垃圾食品塞满了她的脸。 每个人都想知道她第二天是否会来学校。 果然，她无处可寻。 我们甚至翻了垃圾箱。 我和其他人去了克鲁茨先生的办公室看看发生了什么。 “利基小姐在哪儿？”我问。 “我解雇了她，”克鲁茨说。 “你知道她总是跑出去锻炼吗？” 嗯，原来她只是跑到垃圾箱去吃垃圾食品。” “所以你只是因为她吃垃圾食品就解雇了她？”瑞恩问道。

"No," Mr. Klutz said, "I fired her because she went overboard." "She fell out of a boat?" I asked.

“不，”克鲁茨说，“我解雇她是因为她太过分了。” “她从船上掉下去了？”我问。

"No, no," Mr. Klutz told me. "Ms. Leakey just went too far with all that health food stuff. I think it's okay to have junk food once in a while, as a treat. You just have to be careful not to overdo it." "So I guess we don't have a health teacher anymore," Michael said. "Sure we do," said Mr. Klutz. "Let me introduce you to our new health teacher." He took a remote control out of his pocket and pushed a button. And you'll never believe who walked into the door at that moment. It was Mr. Slug! He actually walked right into the door! "OUCH!" said Mr. Slug. "I… HIT… MY… HEAD… ON… THE… DOOR." "Mr. Slug is our new health teacher?" I asked. "He doesn't know anything about health."

“不，不，”克鲁茨告诉我。 “利基女士在健康食品方面做得太过分了。 我认为偶尔吃垃圾食品作为犒赏是可以的。 你只需要注意不要过度。” “所以我想我们再也没有健康老师了，”迈克尔说。 “当然有，”克鲁茨说。 “让我把你介绍给我们的新健康老师。” 他从口袋里掏出一个遥控器，按了一下按钮。 你绝对不会相信那一刻谁走进来了。 是鼻涕虫先生！他真的直接走进了门！“哎哟！”鼻涕虫先生说。 “我……用……头……撞……门了……” “鼻涕虫先生是我们的新健康老师？”我问。 “他对健康一无所知。”

"Sure he does," Mr. Klutz said. "He'll show you what you shouldn't do if you want to be healthy." "I…FEEL…LOUSY…," said Mr. Slug. "NEED…TO…LIE…DOWN." "Maybe you should go outside and get some exercise," Ryan suggested. "Then you'll feel better." "OUTSIDE?" said Mr. Slug. "ARE…YOU…CRAZY? YOU…COULD…GET…HIT…BY… A…BUS…OUT…THERE.EXERCISING… EXERCISING...IS... DANGEROUS. LET'S…JUST…CHILL…IN… HERE… WHERE… IT… IS… SAFE." "Is it okay if we go eat some of the junk food in the Dumpster?" I asked. "WHATEVER," said Mr. Slug.

“他当然知道，”克鲁茨说。 “他会告诉你，如果你想保持健康，你不应该做什么。” “我……感觉……糟透了……”鼻涕虫先生说。 “需要…………躺下来。”“也许你应该出去做些运动，”瑞恩建议道。 “这样你就会感觉好一些。” “外面？”鼻涕虫先生说。“……你……疯了吗? 你…………能……打………一个总线……。锻炼锻炼…… 危险的。让我们……只是……冷………这里…………安全。” “我们可以去吃一些垃圾箱里的垃圾食品吗？”我问。 “管它呢。”鼻涕虫先生说。

Well, that's pretty much the way it happened. Maybe Ms. Leakey will stop

嗯，事情就是这样发生的。 也许利基女士会停下来

hiding under my bed and stalking me in supermarkets. Maybe the police will find Ms. Leakey's twin sister buried in the farm in her office. Maybe McLeakey's restaurant will get some food people want to eat. Maybe my mom will start making square pizzas. Maybe I'll go to Antarctica and eat Twinkies with the penguins. Maybe I'll try asparagus again. Maybe Mr. Slug will quit smoking and stop walking into doors. Maybe the teachers will stop arm wrestling with each other. Maybe breakfast will stop thinking it's so important. Maybe they'll let us do sword fighting in fizz ed. Maybe our teachers will stop dressing up like food. Maybe people will stop talking about boats all the time. Maybe Mr. Klutz will show us his plastic bag full of hair. Maybe I'll find the GPS that Ms. Leakey put in my brain. But it won't be easy!

躲在我床底下，在超市跟踪我。 也许警察会找到她。 利基的双胞胎妹妹被埋在农场的办公室里。 也许麦克利基的餐厅会有人们想吃的食物。 也许我妈妈会开始做方形披萨。 也许我会去南极洲和企鹅一起吃夹心蛋糕。 也许我该再试试芦笋。 也许鼻涕虫先生会戒烟，不再走进家门。 也许老师们会停止互相扳手腕。 也许早餐会觉得自己没那么重要。 也许他们会让我们在fizz里练剑。 也许我们的老师会不再穿得像食物一样。 也许人们会停止一直谈论船。 也许克鲁茨先生会给我们看他装满头发的塑料袋。 也许我能找到。 利基把我的脑子放进去了。但这并不容易！