6 The Land of No Toilets

Chapter 6 The Land of No Toilets When I got to school on Monday morning, everybody was putting cans of food into big cardboard boxes by the front office. The kids at our school collected a lot of food. And you'll never believe in a million hundred years what happened at school that day. Nothing. No, really! I mean it. I'm not just saying that. Nothing happened. It was the most boring day in the history of the world. But at the end of the day, I went to the ASKK room with the guys. A few minutes later Mr. Tony showed up. He wasn't jumping on a pogo stick and juggling this time. He was jogging with a spoon in his

mouth, and there was an egg on the spoon. "Mr. Tony reporting for duty!" he said after he took the spoon out of his mouth. We all giggled because he said "duty" again. "Mr. Tony, why were you holding a spoon in your mouth with an egg on it?" Andrea asked. "I'm trying to get into The Guinness Book of World Records for egg-jogging," Mr. Tony

told us. "The record for running a mile while holding a spoon in your mouth with an egg on it is over eight minutes. I'm trying to break it." "And that's going to help you quit smoking?" Andrea asked. "Yes!" Mr. Tony said. "As long as I have a spoon in my mouth, I can't smoke." Mr. Tony sure comes up with weird ways to quit smoking. "Hey, how about we play a word game today?" he said. "Who can use the word 'spaghetti' in a sentence?" Andrea got all excited and was waving her arm in the air like it was on fire. But Mr. Tony called on me. So nah-nah-nah boo-boo on Andrea. "Abraham Lincoln gave the Spaghettisburg Address," I said. Everybody laughed even though I didn't

say anything funny. "Lincoln gave the Gettysburg address, Arlo!" Little Miss Perfect said, rolling her eyes. "Not Spaghettisburg!" "Oh, snap!" said Ryan. "Try another one, A.J.," Mr. Tony said. "Can you use the word 'toiletries' in a sentence?" "Sure," I said. "Out in the forest there were some oak trees, some maple trees, and some toilet trees." Everybody laughed again even though I didn't say anything funny. "There's no such thing as a toilet tree, Arlo!" Andrea said, rolling her eyes again. "Yeah, toilets don't grow on trees," said Emily. "Toiletries are what you bring in a little bag when you go on vacation."

"Oh, yeah?" I said. "Why would you take a toilet with you on vacation? Where do you go on vacation anyway? The Land of No Toilets? When I go on vacation, they have toilets there already. I don't have to bring one with me." "Oh, snap!" said Ryan. I was just yanking her chain, but Emily looked like she was going to cry, as usual. Sheesh, get a grip! That girl needs to go to

the drugstore and buy a chill pill. She'll cry at the drop of a hat. Actually, it's true. One time after school I took Emily's hat and dropped it in a puddle. She started crying, of course. "No arguing in the ASKK room," said Mr. Tony. "I have an idea! Let's play Simon Says!" "I hate Simon Says," I said. "Well, we're going to play Simon Says, A.J., and I want you to be Simon," said Mr. Tony. "We will do anything you tell us to do as long as you say 'Simon Says' first." "Anything?" I asked. "Anything," Mr. Tony said. "Anything?" I repeated. "Anything," Mr. Tony repeated. We went back and forth like that for a while. "Okay," I said. "Simon Says we stop