2 Deal or No Deal

Chapter 2 Deal or No Deal The after-school program? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Not the after-school program! Anything but the after-school program! It's bad enough that I have to go to school for a million hundred hours during the day. Now I'd have to go to school after school is over! I thought I was gonna die. This was the worst thing to happen to me since TV Turnoff Week. My life was finished. "Can't you just poke my eyeballs out instead of sending me to the after-school program?" I asked my mom. "That would be more fun." "The after-school program will be fun, A.J.!" she told me. "You'll get to play games,

sing songs, make projects, and be with your friends. That's got to be better than sitting around the house watching TV after school." "I like sitting around the house watching TV after school!" I told her. "What could be better than sitting around the house watching TV?" No matter what I said, I couldn't talk her out of it. My mom was going back to work, and I had to be in the after-school program. When I met up with my friends walking to school on Friday morning, I could tell they were all depressed. "I guess you heard the bad news," said Michael, who never ties his shoes. "Yeah," said Ryan, who will eat anything, even stuff that isn't food. "Starting today, we have to go to the after-school program."

"This is horrible," said Neil, who we call the nude kid even though he wears clothes. "This is the worst day of my life." "Our lives are over," I said. "Bummer in the summer." That's when Andrea Young, this annoying girl with curly brown hair, came skipping down the street. She was with her crybaby friend Emily. "Did you hear the news?" Andrea said, all excited. "Our moms are starting a catering business! And we're going to be in the after-school program!"

Ugh! Not only did I have to go to school after school, but I had to go to school after school with Little Miss Know-It-All Andrea. It was definitely the worst day in the history of the world. I was in a bad mood all day long. I couldn't concentrate on anything my teacher, Mr. Granite, was saying. All I could think about was the after-school program. Just before the three-o'clock bell rang, we had to go to the all-purpose room for an assembly.2 I sat next to Ryan. Little Miss Perfect sat in front of us. Our principal, Mr. Klutz, got up on the stage. He has no hair at all. I mean none. They should use his head in lighthouses to send signals to ships at sea. Mr. Klutz held up his hand and made a peace sign, which means "shut up." "I have two announcements to make,"

he told us. "First, please welcome our new health teacher, Ms. Leakey." We all clapped for some lady who got up onstage. She looked really healthy, so I guess it's good that she's a health teacher. "Second," Mr. Klutz continued, "Ella Mentry School is going to have a food drive." "Food drive?" I whispered to Ryan. "What's up with that? Food can't drive. That would be weird to have a chicken driving

your car." "No, dumbhead," Ryan whispered back. "A food drive isn't when a chicken drives your car. It's when you drive a chicken around in your car." "Why would anybody want to drive a chicken around in their car?" I asked Ryan. Andrea turned around, rolled her eyes, and said, "Shhhhhh!" "A food drive is when you collect food for needy people," Mr. Klutz announced. Oh. I knew that. Mr. Klutz told us there are a lot of kids who don't have enough to eat. "Hunger is a big problem in our country," he said, "so we're going to collect as much food as we can and bring it to a food bank." "Food bank?" I whispered to Ryan. "Who puts food in a bank? Wouldn't it smell really