1 My Mom’s Big Nose

Mr. Tony Is Full of Baloney!

托尼先生满口胡言！

Chapter 1 My Mom's Big Nose My name is A.J. and I hate asparagus. Ha! I bet you were thinking I was going to say I hate school. But I didn't. So nah-nah-nah boo-boo on you. That just goes to show that you shouldn't count your chickens before they're hatched. I really don't know what that means, but my mom is always saying you shouldn't count your chickens before they're hatched. Nobody knows why. I wouldn't want to count chickens even after they were hatched. Who wants to count chickens at all? I've heard of people counting sheep, but never chickens. I don't even know anybody who has chickens. Except for maybe the one we keep in the refrigerator for dinner. And it's easy to count one chicken.

第一章我妈妈的大鼻子我叫A.J. 我讨厌芦笋。哈!我打赌你以为我会说我讨厌学校。 但我没有。所以不，不，不，不。 这恰恰说明，不要过早打如意算盘。 我真的不知道这是什么意思，但我妈妈总是说你不应该在小鸡孵出来之前就数小鸡。 没人知道为什么。即使小鸡刚孵出来，我也不想数小鸡。 谁会想数小鸡呢？ 我听说过有人数羊，但从没听说过有人数鸡。 我甚至不知道谁养鸡。 除了我们放在冰箱里做晚餐的那个。 而且一只鸡很容易数。

One. See? You're done counting.1 Where was I? Oh, yeah. You'll never believe what happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I came home from school that Thursday and my mom said, "I have big news, A.J.!" "Your nose isn't that big," I replied. "Very funny," my mom said. "The big news is that I'm going back to work." "WHAT?!" Before my sister and I were born, Mom

一个。看到了吗?你数完了我说到哪儿了？ 哦,是的。你绝对不会相信几周前我发生了什么事。 那个星期四，我从学校回到家，妈妈说：“我有个大消息，aj !”“你的鼻子没那么大，”我回答。 “很有趣，”我妈妈说。 “最大的消息就是我要回去工作了。” “什么? !”在我妹妹和我出生前，妈妈

had a job. She worked in a restaurant. That was back in ancient times, when dinosaurs roamed the earth. My mom stopped working so she could take care of us. That's not even like working at all because they don't give you any money for taking care of your own kids. Besides, I figure I'm so much fun to be around that taking care of me isn't even like work. "I decided you kids are old enough now so that I can get a job again," Mom told me, "and we could use some extra money around here." "What kind of a job?" I asked her. "Are you going to be a jet fighter pilot or a brain surgeon?" Having your mom as a brain surgeon would be cool. On Take Your Child to Work Day, you could watch her open up people's heads and look inside. That would be

有一份工作。她在一家餐馆工作。 那要追溯到恐龙在地球上漫游的远古时代。 为了照顾我们，我妈妈停止了工作。 这根本不像工作，因为他们不会给你钱让你照顾自己的孩子。 而且，我觉得和我在一起很有趣照顾我甚至都不像工作。 “我觉得你们已经长大了，所以我可以再找一份工作，”妈妈告诉我，“我们可以在这里多赚些钱。” “什么样的工作？”我问她。 “你想成为一名喷气式战斗机飞行员，还是一名脑外科医生？”让你妈妈做脑外科医生会很酷。 在“带孩子上班日”，你可以看到她打开别人的脑袋，向里面看。 那就是

awesome! "No," she explained. "I'm starting a little catering company called The Six Moms. I'm teaming up with Andrea's, Michael's, Ryan's, Emily's, and Neil's mothers." "Catering?" I asked. "What's 'catering'?" "We're going to make sandwiches and things like that for parties," Mom said. I slapped my head. "Sandwiches?" I said. "People can make their own sandwiches. All you have to do is take a piece of bread and put stuff on it. Then you put another piece of bread on top of the stuff. Amazing! You made a sandwich!" "We're going to make fancy sandwiches," my mom told me. That made no sense, because all sandwiches go to the same place after you eat them.

太棒了!“不，”她解释说。 “我正在开一家名为The Six Moms的小型餐饮公司。 我正在与安德里亚、迈克尔、瑞安、艾米丽和尼尔的母亲合作。” “餐饮吗?”我问。”“餐饮”是什么?”“我们要为聚会做三明治之类的东西，”妈妈说。 我拍了拍我的头。“三明治?”我说。 “人们可以自己做三明治。 你所要做的就是拿一块面包，在上面放点东西。 然后再放一块面包在上面。 神奇的!你做了一个三明治！”“我们要做美味的三明治，”妈妈告诉我。 这是没有道理的，因为所有的三明治在你吃完之后都会去同一个地方。

"You should make something people need," I told her, "like a homework machine. Or something to spray on your skin so girls will stop bothering you." "A.J., the important thing is that my new job is going to affect you, too," Mom told me. "Me? What do I have to do with your job?" "Well, I just signed you up for the after-school program," Mom said. WHAT?!

“你应该做一些人们需要的东西，”我告诉她，“比如家庭作业机。 或者喷在你的皮肤上，这样女孩们就不会打扰你了。” “aj，重要的是我的新工作也会影响到你，”妈妈告诉我。 “我?我和你的工作有什么关系？”“嗯，我刚给你报名参加了课外活动，”妈妈说。 什么? !