5 Learning More About England

Chapter 5 Learning More About England The next morning Halloween decorations were up in the hallways. I came into class and hung my coat in the cloakroom. Miss Mary was sitting in the back of the class. We usually have Word of the Day first thing in the morning, but Mr. Granite said we would skip it so we could do the math lesson we missed the day before. "Open your math books to page twenty-three," Mr. Granite told us. But suddenly he stopped, looked at Miss Mary, and asked, "What are you doing?" We all looked at Miss Mary. She was holding her cell phone. "I'm texting Zack," she said. "He just told me 'I Love Dirt' is going to be the best song he ever wrote. And he's dedicating it to me! I

can't wait to hear it." "That's so romantic!" said Andrea. "Turn off your cell phone in school, please," said Mr. Granite. He looked all frustrated. That's when an announcement came over the loudspeaker. "Mr. Granite, please come to the office." "Another interruption!" he said. "We may never get to math. Miss Mary, will you take over the class while I'm gone?" He went rushing out of the room. We all looked at Miss Mary. "So, what do you want to learn?" she asked. "We don't want to learn anything," I told her. "We want to go to recess." "It's not time for recess, Arlo!" Andrea said, rolling her eyes. "I can teach you how to play cricket," said Miss Mary.

"You play with crickets?" I said. "That's disgusting!" "Cricket is a game, Arlo," Andrea said, rolling her eyes again. "They play it in England." "Your face is a game," I told her. "Can you show us where England is on the map?" asked Emily. "Uh, sure," Miss Mary said, going to the map on the wall. "Let's see; where is that bloody country?" "The country is bloody?" I asked. Miss Mary looked all over, but she couldn't find England. And it's her own country! She's almost as dumb as the teacher we had last year, Miss Daisy.

"I'll show you," said Andrea as she hopped out of her seat and pointed at the map. "It's right here. England looks a little like a microscope. See?" "Very good, Andrea!" said Miss Mary. Little Miss Smarty Pants smiled her know-it-all smile. Why can't a microscope fall on her head?

"What do people eat in England?" asked Ryan, who will eat anything, even stuff that isn't food. "I love blood pudding," said Miss Mary. "You make pudding out of blood?" I asked. "Ewwwwww!" everybody went. "Blood pudding is a kind of sausage," said Miss Mary. "You should just call it sausage," said Michael. "I also love fish and chips," Miss Mary said, "and bangers and mash." "Bangers?" Neil asked. "What's a banger?" "That's a kind of sausage too," Miss Mary told us. "Why don't you just call sausage 'sausage'?" I suggested. "People sure eat a lot of sausage in

England," Andrea said. "Well, what do you Americans like to eat?" asked Miss Mary. "I like hot dogs," said Michael. "You heat up dogs and eat them?" asked Miss Mary. "How horrid! In England dogs are our pets. We would never eat them." "No!" I told her. "We don't eat dogs here either! A hot dog is sort of like… a sausage." "Then why don't you call it a sausage?" asked Miss Mary. "Beats me," I said. "I guess everybody likes sausage," said Ryan, "but nobody wants to call it sausage." "Say, can I tell you kids a secret?" asked Miss Mary. "Yeah!" we all shouted. "We love secrets," Andrea said. "Promise you won't tell?" asked Miss Mary.