10 Talking Turkey

Chapter 10 Talking Turkey Right after Miss Mary said she would marry Zack, the most amazing thing happened: another guy started climbing in the window! "Who's that guy?" Michael asked. "Quick, Zack!" Miss Mary said. "Hide in the bloody cloakroom!" "It's like Grand Central Station in here!" Mr. Granite said as Zack ran into the cloakroom. "Doesn't anybody use doors anymore?" The guy who climbed in the window was dressed in a jacket and tie. He carried a briefcase. "Excuse me," the guy said, "is this Ella Mentry School?" "Yes," Mr. Granite replied. "Who are

you? What are you doing in my classroom?" "Allow me to introduce myself," the guy said as he handed Mr. Granite a card. "My name is Joe Navark. I'm with the Hoover Vacuum Cleaner Company." "What?!" said Mr. Granite. "I don't need a vacuum cleaner! Get out of here! We're supposed to be doing math." "I'm not selling vacuum cleaners," the

guy said. "I'm looking for a young man named Zack. I was told I might find him here." Mr. Granite slapped his own forehead with the palm of his hand. "Zack is my boyfriend!" said Miss Mary, showing off her new ring. "We're going to get married." "He's in there," Mr. Granite muttered, pointing to the cloakroom. The vacuum cleaner guy opened the cloakroom door. Zack was standing there. "It's you!" the vacuum cleaner guy said to Zack. "The lead singer of Fish Food! You were terrific on Saturday Night Live." "Thank you!" said Zack. "Tell me," the vacuum cleaner guy asked Zack, "did you write that song 'I Love Dirt'?" "I sure did," Zack replied. "Well, I love it!" the vacuum cleaner guy

told Zack. "And I think your song would be perfect to go with the TV commercials for our new line of vacuum cleaners." "Are you serious?" Zack asked. "Sure!" the vacuum cleaner guy said. "Picture this. We'll have a cartoon vacuum cleaner running around a house while it sings 'I Love Dirt.' It will sell millions of vacuums!" Zack and Miss Mary went "WOW," which is "MOM" upside down. "Okay," the vacuum cleaner guy said. "Let's talk turkey." "What do turkeys have to do with vacuum cleaners?" I asked. "Turkey's don't talk. Are you going to vacuum up a bunch of dead turkeys?" "'Talking turkey' means talking about money, Arlo," Andrea told me. "Oh," I said, "I knew that."

"How much are you going to pay Zack for his song?" asked Miss Mary. "How does a million dollars sound to you?" asked the vacuum cleaner guy. WHAT?! "Two million would sound a lot better," Miss Mary said. "Okay," the vacuum cleaner guy said. "Two million. But that's as high as I can go." Zack shook hands with the vacuum cleaner guy. Everybody was freaking out. But suddenly, there were footsteps in the hall. "It's Mr. Klutz!" Neil the nude kid yelled. "Quick!" Miss Mary said. "Hide in the cloakroom! Both of you!" Zack and the vacuum cleaner guy ran into the cloakroom right before Mr. Klutz came in.

"I just wanted to see how you were making out, Mary," Mr. Klutz said. Ew, disgusting! "Daddy, I have wonderful news!" said Miss Mary. "Zack and I are getting married!" "What?!" said Mr. Klutz. "You know how I feel about that, Mary. I won't allow you to marry Zack until he shows that he can earn enough money to support you." "He can, Daddy!" Miss Mary said excitedly. "After Zack was on Saturday Night Live, he signed a record contract. He's going to make an album and go on tour. And a guy from a vacuum cleaner company is going to pay Zack two million dollars for 'I Love Dirt'!" "That is wonderful news!" said Mr. Klutz. "Where is Zack? I want to congratulate him."