2 Ryan’s Mom Is Weird

Chapter 2 Ryan's Mom Is Weird Wow! Ryan's mom is the new PTA president! "Congratulations, Mrs. Dole," said Mr. Klutz. "I'm sure you'll do a great job." Mr. Klutz had to go to a meeting, so he left Ryan's mom to watch us.* Mrs. Dole looked a lot like Ryan, except that she's a lady—and old. When she walked into our class, Ryan hid under his desk. I couldn't blame him. That's what I would do if my mom walked into the class. Parents should never come into your class, unless it's your birthday and they're bringing cupcakes for everybody. That's the first rule of being a kid. "Wow, the president of the PTA is important," I whispered to Ryan. "That's

almost like being president of the United States." Ryan slid farther under his desk. Andrea crossed her arms and said, "Humphf." Whenever somebody crosses their arms and says "Humphf," it means they're mad. Nobody knows why. "Good morning!" said Mrs. Dole. "Are you kids excited about the end of school?" "Yes!" said all the boys.

"No!" said all the girls. "Are you excited about moving up to third grade?" Mrs. Dole asked. "Yes!" said all the girls. "No!" said all the boys. "I was thinking. Wouldn't it be nice to give presents to Mrs. Daisy?" said Mrs. Dole. "She worked so hard for you all year. What would you like to give her?" "I'll give her a skateboard," I said. "That's what you want, Arlo!" Andrea said, rolling her eyes. "Try to think of something Mrs. Daisy would want," Mrs. Dole said. "What does she like more than anything?" "Flowers?" suggested Neil the nude kid. "Shoes?" said Michael. Suddenly I got the greatest idea in the history of the world.

"Bonbons!" I shouted. "Yeah! Bonbons!" everybody agreed. Bonbons are yummy chocolate treats. Mrs. Daisy eats them all the time. (Well, not while she's taking a shower. That would be weird.) She told us that she can eat a whole box of bonbons in one sitting. Everybody thought giving Mrs. Daisy bonbons was a great idea. Neil the nude kid said I should get the No Bell Prize. That's a prize they give out to people who don't have bells. "Okay. Your homework is to buy a present for Mrs. Daisy and bring it to school tomorrow," Mrs. Dole said. "Any questions?" "Are we going to get more homework in third grade?" asked Emily. "I'm not sure," Mrs. Dole said. "Next year you'll learn the multiplication tables,

and you're going to learn all about—" Mrs. Dole didn't get the chance to finish her sentence, because that's when the strangest thing in the history of the world happened. She started crying! "You kids are growing up so fast," Mrs. Dole blubbered. "I can hardly believe that my little baby Ryan is going to be a third grader. It seems like only yesterday he was in diapers." Everybody looked at Ryan, who was still hiding under his desk. "You wore diapers yesterday?" I asked him. Mrs. Dole continued. "I remember when all my baby Ryan could say was 'Goo-go-oga-ga,' and all he could do was pee. I had to wipe his little bottom for him. And now look at him." Everybody looked at Ryan. Mrs. Dole

grabbed a tissue from Mrs. Daisy's desk and blew her nose into it. Into the tissue, that is. Blowing your nose into a desk would be weird. "I'm sorry. I get so emotional over my baby," she said, and she ran out the door. "Is she gone?" Ryan asked. "Yeah, you can come out from under your desk now," Michael said. "Your mom is weird," I told Ryan. "I know," he replied. "She goes overboard a lot."