11 Passing Out and Making Out

Chapter 11 Passing Out and Making Out Me and the guys caught Mrs. Daisy just before she was about to hit the ground. Her eyes were closed and she was all limp, like a rag doll. "Wake up!" Ryan shouted. "Wake up, Mrs. Daisy!" "She can't hear you," said Neil. "Is she dead?" I asked. "She just fainted, Arlo," Andrea said. "Whenever a girl faints in the movies," I said, "somebody slaps her in the face and she wakes up." "You should slap her, A.J.," said Michael. "I'm not slapping Mrs. Daisy," I said. "I'll get kicked out of school. Why don't you slap

her?" "I'm not slapping her," Michael said. "You're the one who thought of giving her all those bonbons. That's probably why she fainted. You should slap her." "You slap her!" I shouted. "No, you slap her!" "Tell you what," I finally said. "Let's both slap her." Me and Michael were about to slap Mrs. Daisy when Mr. Macky came running over to us. We decided to let him slap her. But he

didn't. He was holding a wet handkerchief, and he held it against Mrs. Daisy's forehead. "Give her air!" he shouted, which didn't make any sense because none of us had any air to give her. Who carries around air? Where would we get air anyway? Rent-a-Air? "This is all your fault, Arlo!" said Andrea. "You knocked over the eternal flame! They'll probably make you repeat second grade for this." "Mr. Klutz told us to throw our caps up in the air!" I yelled. "I didn't mean to knock over the eternal flame! Why do I get blamed for everything?" Officer Spence came rushing over to us. "What happened?" he asked. "She fainted," said Mr. Macky. "It's because she ate so many bonbons,"

Andrea told Officer Spence. "She got fatter and fatter. I bet all that sugar made her pass out." Then Officer Spence did the most amazing thing in the history of the world. He leaned over and kissed Mrs. Daisy! On the lips! Right in front of her husband! "Ewww!" I said. "They're making out! Mr. Macky, are you going to let Officer Spence kiss your wife? You should punch him in the nose. That's what guys do in the movies when they catch somebody kissing their wife." "He's giving her mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, dumbhead!" said Andrea. I didn't know what mouth-to-mouth resuscitation was, but it looked a lot like kissing to me. I was trying to think of something mean to say to Andrea when Mrs. Daisy opened

her eyes. "Where am I?" she asked. "You're in the playground," said Officer Spence. "You're going to be fine. Did you eat a lot of bonbons recently?" "No," Mrs. Daisy said, "I gave almost all of them away." "Then how did you get so fat?" I asked. "Because…" "Because we're going to have a baby!" said Mr. Macky. WHAT????!!!!