07 Stugly Upsisters

Stugly Upsisters Friday was going to be the best school day ever. It was the day that Class 3T would be sharing their family trees. By the end of today, the whole school and the whole entire world would find out that she, Judy Moody, was related to a queen. Before school started, Judy passed out invitations to her tea party. They were written in secret code. Code that only Mary, Queen of Scots, could crack. But that didn't stop Jessica Fink Finch. Before Judy could tell her friends where the answer key was hidden, Jessica Finch pulled out a Wolff Castle gift-shop pocket code-cracker. She cracked the royal code. So much for top-secret. "A party!" said Frank.

"Tea party," said Judy. "Do we get to throw tea in your bathtub, like we did at the Boston Tub Party?" "I'll do magic tricks," said Rocky. "Let's have a race," said Amy Namey. "I can announce the winner in my newspaper." "No, no, and no," said Judy. Sometimes her

friends were such plebes. "You guys don't get it, because you are not related to a queen, like I am. This is a right royal tea party." "So what do we get to do?" asked Frank. "Sip tea and practice manners and learn to curtsy," said Jessica. "You get to eat stuff like crumb cakes," said Judy. "You mean crumpets," said Jessica. "All that matters is there will be a coronation, and I will be crowned queen." Her friends looked at her like she was starkers. As in cuckoo-crazy! "How come you get to be queen?" asked Frank. "I'm the only one with royal blood. Duh." Just then, the bell rang. Judy's friends rushed to class. "Hey, wait up!" But nobody waited up. Judy hurried after them. "There will be a bouncy castle!" It wasn't true. It was a big fat lie. But she had to make a tea party sound exciting somehow. So far, so bad. The best school day ever was a royal flop. But pretty soon the world would find out that Judy Moody was related to a hero, and maybe a pirate, and almost-for-sure a queen.

Family tree time! Judy raised her hand to go first. Mr. Todd called on Madison and Addison. He called on Manuel and Isabel. He called on Rocky. He called on Frank Pear/Pearl. Judy was at sixes and sevens. Eights and nines, too. Then it happened. Her teacher called on none other than Jessica Fink Finch. Jessica Finch stood in front of the class. Jessica Finch wore her posh tea party dress. Jessica Finch pulled on long white gloves. She put on pearls that were not a candy necklace and placed her Queen Bee tiara on her head.

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Jessica Finch did not look like a fink. She looked like a princess. She looked like Cinderella herself. Judy pulled her candy necklace out from under her shirt. She snuck a secret bite. Chomp. At least Jessica Finch did not have a crown-jewel mood-changing peacock pin. Jessica traced her Finch family tree back to merry olde England. Hey! Judy Moody's family tree went back to merry olde England, too. Same-same! Jessica Finch told the class that way back in time the name Finch used to be Fink. Ha! So Jessica Finch actually was a fink. For real and absolute positive! Well, I'll be gobsmacked! Then Jessica Finch held up her family crest. It had a giant M on it. Judy's family crest had a giant M on it, too. M was for Moody. Judy's hand shot up. "Um, excuse me. But why does your family crest say M? It should say F for Fink. I mean Finch." "Hold your crumpets," said Jessica. "I'm getting to that part." Chomp. Chomp-chomp. Judy was only half listening. Jessica Finch was related to a judge. Boring. Jessica Finch was related to a baron. Snooze.