09 Definitely the Worst Thing Ever

Definitely the Worst Thing Ever Judy's day was off to a grouchy start. This was the day that Stink, her once smelly, sold-dirt-formoon- dust brother was going with his class to Washington, D.C., to see the president's house! She found out Mom and Dad were going too, as chaperones. Yours Truly had to stay home and finish her Me collage. She, Judy Moody, still had several bald spots to fill. "I think my brain has a leak," Judy told her family. "I can't think of one more interesting thing to put on my collage." Judy sank down on the family-room couch

like a balloon that had lost three days' air. "Interesting things could happen to me better in Washington, D.C.," said Judy. "You know it's just for the second-grade classes, honey," said Mom. "ROAR!" was all she said. "We might be home late," Dad told her. "You can go to Rocky's after school. You two can finish up your projects together." "You'll have fun," said Mom. "And aren't you going to an assembly today for Brush Your Teeth Week?" How could she forget? One more reason to be grouchy. Stink got to rub elbows with the president while she, Judy Moody, would be shaking the hands of Mr. Tooth and Mrs. Floss. Stink waddled into the family room wrapped in a red and white striped tablecloth,

looking like he just got hit by a flying picnic. "What's that?" asked Judy. "It's a costume, for my YOU ARE THE FLAG project. I'm the flag." "Stink, you're not supposed to be the flag. You're supposed to tell what the flag means to you." "To me it means I am the flag." "What's on your head?"

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"A hat. See, each star is a state, like on the flag. There's one for all forty-eight states." "Guess what. There are fifty states, Stink." "Nuh-uh. I counted. I crossed them off on my map." "Count again," Judy said. "You probably forgot Hawaii and Alaska." "Do you think the president will notice?" asked Stink. "Stink, the president just about made the states. He'll notice." "Okay, okay. I'll stick two more on." "Every other second-grader writes a flag poem or draws a picture for YOU ARE THE FLAG. My brother's a human flag." "What's wrong with that?" "You look like a star-spangled mummy and walk like a banana. That's what."

"I get to see a room where everything is made of real gold. Even the curtains and bedspreads. Heather Strong says the lamps are made of diamonds." "Heather Strong lies," said Judy. It was no use. She would have to change her Me collage. Frank's birthday party was no longer THE WORST THING EVER. Frank Pearl ate paste for a dare! And he gave her a baby food jar with six ants and a fly for Jaws. Not meeting the president of her own United fifty States was absolutely and positively THE WORST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED. Her whole family, including her brother, the human flag, was going to Washington, D.C., while she, Judy Moody, would be listening to a talking tooth.