Chapter 9

Chapter nine We took the bus to Ralph's apartment. It was downtown on 19th Street, above a discount suitcase store. We had to walk up three flights of stairs, slower than usual because Papa Pete had to rest on each landing. When we got to Ralph's door, the bell didn't work, so we knocked. And waited. And waited. "Maybe he's not home," Ashley said. "Oh, he's there," I answered. "I called ahead and told him we were coming." "How'd you get his number?" "From his brochure in Emily's room. She sleeps with it under her pillow." "Good planning, Hankie," Papa Pete said. "I like the way you're thinking ahead." Suddenly, the door flew open and there

was Ralph. Ginger was wrapped around his arm, and Boris, the blue-tailed skink, was relaxing on his shoulder. Ginger shot her tongue out at us, which made Frankie and Ashley take a giant step backward. Ralph laughed. "You don't have to be afraid, kids," he said. "Ginger flicks her tongue to help her smell. It's how she knows you're here." "Good thing I took a shower this morning," I said. "I wouldn't want to gross Ginger out." Ralph threw his head back and laughed loudly. We all joined in. "Our friend Hank is really funny," Frankie said. "So I see," Ralph answered. "Come on in and meet the rest of the family." The inside of Ralph's apartment was like a zoo, except you didn't have to pay to get in. There were glass cages everywhere, and inside each cage was some kind of reptile. Speedy, the giant tortoise, was sitting on the couch watching TV. I think it was an infomercial about

an exercise machine. "Is Speedy interested in working out?" I asked. "I bet it would be hard to do sit-ups with that shell in the way." Ralph laughed again. "You're on a roll, kid. Now, what can I do for you? You said you needed a favor." I put on my biggest smile, and took a deep breath so all the words would come out right. "Ralph," I began. "Here is my problem: My sister, as annoying as she is, has only one wish in the whole wide world. And that wish is for you and Ginger to come to her birthday party. It's this Saturday at noon." "I remember talking about this with your

family at the street fair, but your parents never called," Ralph said. "That's why I'm here. I think a personal invitation is always best. Don't you think so, Papa Pete?" "Personal is good," Papa Pete agreed. "Ralph," I said, "I'm going to give you three reasons why you have to come to Emily's party. One: The birthday cake will be so delicious it'll make your socks go up and down. Two: You will make an almost-seven-year-old girl's dream come true. And three: I have here in my pocket two dollars and sixty-three cents... and it's all yours." I paused and gave him my best upper and lower teeth grin.(

He was quiet for a minute. I took that as a good sign. I flashed Frankie and Ashley a confident grin. Yup, this was Hank "the Hurricane" Zipzer in action, I thought. Hank, you have done a good job here. I think you've saved the day. Ralph walked over to his dusty desk and pulled out a spiral notebook with a picture of two snakes on the cover. I think they were hugging, but without arms. He brought the notebook over to me and opened it to a page with a calendar on it.

"Hank, I am so sorry," he said. "But as you can see on this calendar, I am busy every day for the next three weekends. This Saturday, Ginger and I have an appearance at the Central Park Zoo. And then we're performing at Tiffany Nelson's birthday party on Park Avenue." "But, Ralph," I said, "you know how much you love your reptiles. There is only one other person on the planet who feels the way you do about them—my sister. If you come to her party, it will be the best birthday present I could ever give her. Forever." You're not going to believe this, but when I said those words, I actually felt a lump in my throat, the kind you get before you cry. I meant every word I was saying. Ralph reached out and put his hand on my shoulder, which brought Ginger dangerously close to my nose. "Hank," he said, "I think you're a wonderful young man and a great big brother. But there is nothing I can do. Saturday is just completely booked. I'm so sorry."