Chapter 4

Chapter four, I asked Frankie and Ashley to meet me in our clubhouse at four o'clock. It's not a real clubhouse. It's a storeroom in the basement of our apartment building where we hang out. They arrived exactly on time. "Okay, Hankster," Frankie said. "Let's see this big idea you have." I reached into one of the cardboard boxes labeled SUMMER VACATION STUFF. I pulled out a pair of neon yellow flippers, a snorkel, and some goggles. I put on the flippers and slipped the goggles over my face. "You look an outer-space creature," Ashley said. Then I reached into a box labeled EMILY'S

BABY TOYS and pulled out two stuffed animals. One was a fuzzy purple octopus who she used to call Morton. The other was a creepy-looking jellyfish with rainbow-colored tentacles. I held Morton in one hand and the jellyfish in the other. Then I stuffed the snorkel into my mouth. Proudly, I strutted back and forth in front of Frankie and Ashley. "What do you think, guys?" I tried to say. "Huh? I can't understand you," Frankie answered. Of course he couldn't. I took the snorkel out of my mouth.

"I'm a shark," I explained, "swimming in the ocean with my underwater friends. I'm going to do my report as Shark Boy. I know a whole lot of scientific shark facts. Like, did you know that sharks don't have a single bone in their bodies? And that they can swim forty to sixty miles an hour? And that they have three fins?" "All of which you are missing," Frankie pointed out. "And that's where you come in," I said. "I need you to help me make some fins." "Oh, I love art projects!" Ashley said, jumping off the couch and heading right for our cardboard boxes. She ripped off one of the flaps and tore it into the shape of a triangle. "Here's a fin," she said. "I can attach some string to tie it to your body," Frankie said. "And for a really special touch," Ashley added, "I'll decorate it with blue and green sparkly rhinestones." "Easy there, Ashweena," I said. "Sharks don't sparkle."

"They do if they want a good grade," she said. By dinnertime, I had the best shark costume of any second-grader in America. Maybe even the world. When we got to school the next morning, Ms. Flowers collected everyone's science book report. "Where is your report, Hank?" she asked as she stood next to my desk. "Ms. Flowers, you're going to have to see it to believe it," Frankie told her. "Hank's report is alive," Ashley added. "And it's amazing." "Amazingly bad, you mean," Nick McKelty said with a snort. "It sounds interesting to me,"

Luke Whitman said, taking his finger out of his nose. That finger spends most of the day in there. Ms. Flowers thought it over. "Okay," she said. "Why don't we see what you've come up with, Hank." I took my costume and went into the hall. Ashley came to help tie on my fins. While I was slipping into my flippers and mask, Frankie went to the front of the class to introduce me. "The subject of this book report is sharks," he said. "And now, coming to you direct from the undersea world is Hank Zipzer, otherwise known as Shark Boy."

I flopped to the center of the classroom. Then I turned in a circle so everyone could get a good look at the sparkly fin that Ashley had made. I began to recite my shark facts. When I saw the blank looks on everyone's faces, I realized that I still had the snorkel in my mouth. No one could understand me. It just sounded like I was blowing bubbles underwater. I took out the mouthpiece and started again. I said everything I had learned about