Chapter 1

Here's hank. Everybody is somebody

这是汉克。每个人都是大人物

CHAPTER 1 "Emily," I said to my sister. "When they take your picture, say 'toenails.'" "Eeuw, why would I say 'toenails'?" she answered. "They're gross." "Because saying the word moves your lips into a smile," I explained. "Which, I might add, you don't know how to do." We were walking down the school hall heading toward the bulletin board where they display the pictures of everyone who wins an award. If you want to be famous, it's the best bulletin board in the school. Every kid at PS 87 has to pass by it at least twice a day. And today they were taking a picture of Emily to put up on display. She had been

第一章“爱米丽，”我对妹妹说。 “当他们给你拍照时，说‘脚趾甲’。“呃，我为什么要说‘脚趾甲’呢？”她回答。 “他们恶心。”“因为说这个词的时候，你的嘴唇就会露出微笑，”我解释说。 “我得补充一句，你不知道该怎么做。” 我们沿着学校大厅走向布告栏，那里展示着每个得奖者的照片。 如果你想出名，这是学校最好的公告栏。 PS 87的每个孩子每天至少要经过两次。 今天他们给艾米丽拍了一张照片准备展出。 她一直在

picked as Reader of the Month.. again. "Hank, you're just jealous because I'm getting my picture up on the bulletin board and you're not," Emily said. The annoying thing about Emily is that she's always right. I was jealous. This was the second time she had been picked as Reader of the Month, this time for having finished thirteen books in thirty days. Ask me how many books I've finished. The answer is not one. I want to read, I really do. But my eyes never seem to make friends with the words on the page. All those letters swim around like fish in a pond. Just once, I'd like to win an award and get my picture pinned right in the center of the board. It could be for anything. Like being the best tuna-fish sandwich eater. I'm really good at that. Or for falling asleep. I can fall asleep before my eyes are even closed. But no one gives out awards for those things, especially the head of my school,

被选为本月读者 再一次。“汉克，你只是嫉妒，因为我把我的照片贴在公告板上，而你没有，”艾米丽说。 艾米丽令人讨厌的一点是她总是对的。 我很嫉妒。这是她第二次被选为本月最佳读者，这次是因为她在30天内读完了13本书。 问我读完了多少本书。 答案不是一个。我想读书，真的。 但我的眼睛似乎从未与书页上的文字成为朋友。 那些字母就像池塘里的鱼一样游来游去。 哪怕就一次，我也想拿个奖，把我的照片钉在公告板的正中央。 它可以用来做任何事情。比如成为最好的金枪鱼三明治食客。 我很擅长这个。或者睡着了。 我还没闭上眼睛就能睡着。 但没有人会为这些事情颁发奖项，尤其是我们学校的校长，

Principal Love. He's got a mole on his cheek that looks just like the Statue of Liberty without the torch. Every time he laughs, it looks like the mole is doing the hula. I bet he wishes they gave out awards for the best mole. When Emily and I reached the bulletin board, my parents were already there. They had come early to be sure they didn't miss taking even one picture of Emily. They have a whole photo album just for Emily and her awards. Their smiles were so big, you could see every one of their teeth, even the yellow ones in the back. "Yoo-hoo, kids," my mom shouted. "We're over here!" My mom always calls out to us as though we can't see her. I don't know why she does that. My eyes are working fine. It's my brain that doesn't work so well. Both my parents were wearing the green buttons our school gives out that say I'M A PROUD PS 87 PARENT. I wondered if that meant they were proud of both of us or just Emily.

主的爱。他脸上有颗痣，看起来就像没有火炬的自由女神像。 每次他笑起来，就像是鼹鼠在跳草裙舞。 我打赌他希望他们能给最佳内鬼颁奖。 当艾米丽和我走到布告栏时，我的父母已经在那里了。 他们来得很早，是为了确保不会错过给爱米丽拍一张照片。 他们为艾米丽和她的奖项准备了一整本相册。 他们的笑容是那么灿烂，你可以看到他们的每一颗牙齿，甚至是后面的黄色牙齿。 “嗬嗬，孩子们，”妈妈喊道。 “我们在这儿！”我妈妈总是大声叫我们，好像我们看不见她似的。 我不知道她为什么这么做。 我的眼睛很好。是我的脑子不太好使。 我的父母都戴着学校发的绿色徽章，上面写着我是一位骄傲的ps87级家长。 我想知道这是否意味着他们为我们俩感到骄傲，还是只为艾米丽感到骄傲。

"Oh, look," Emily said. "The whole family is here for my special day." "Not exactly," I pointed out. "If you notice, Cheerio's not here." "Hank, Cheerio is a dog." "To you. To me, he's my younger furry brother." "Well, he shouldn't be here. He doesn't appreciate books." "Are you kidding?" I said. "He loves chewing on them! And the ones he likes the best, he pees on." Principal Love arrived then, his face lighting up when he saw Emily. The mole on his cheek

“哦，看，”艾米丽说。“全家人都来参加我的特别日子。” “不完全是，”我指出。 “如果你注意到，麦圈不在这里。” “汉克，麦圈是只狗。”“给你。 对我来说，他是我毛茸茸的弟弟。” “嗯，他不应该在这儿。 他不欣赏书。” “你在开玩笑吧？”我说。 “他喜欢咀嚼它们！”他最喜欢的人，他就尿在他们身上。” 这时洛夫校长来了，当他看到爱米丽时，脸上露出喜色。 他脸颊上的痣

was dancing up a storm. "Hello, all you Zipzers!" he said with a big grin. "You're looking very zippy today." "It's a special day for Emily," my father said. Principal Love took a key from his pocket and unlocked the glass case protecting the bulletin board. Then he pulled a picture of Emily out of a brown manila envelope. "Oh, look," he said. "There are already thumbtack holes in the corners of this picture from the last time we put it up." Emily smiled so big, I thought her face was going to crack in half. All I wanted to do was throw up. Principal Love tacked Emily's picture onto the center of the bulletin board, right under the big black letters that said READER OF THE MONTH. He was careful to use the pinholes that were already there. He'd probably get to use them twenty more times before the year was up.

在暴风雨中跳舞。“你们好，你们这些齐泽尔人！”他咧着嘴笑着说。 “你今天看起来精神很好。” “今天对艾米丽来说是个特别的日子，”父亲说。 洛夫校长从口袋里掏出一把钥匙，打开了保护布告栏的玻璃柜。 然后他从一个棕色的马尼拉信封里抽出一张艾米丽的照片。 “哦，看，”他说。“上次我们把这幅画挂起来的时候，它的角上已经有图钉洞了。” 艾米丽笑得那么灿烂，我觉得她的脸都要裂开了。 我只想吐一吐。 洛夫校长把艾米丽的照片钉在布告栏的中央，就在“本月最佳读者”两个大黑字的正下方。 他小心翼翼地使用已经存在的针孔。 在这一年结束之前，他可能还会再用二十次。