Chapter 0

Before you start reading this book, I have a very serious warning for you. Very, very, very serious. It's so serious, in fact, that I'm going to put the word "warning" here in massive letters, like this: WARNING THERE YOU GO. NOW YOU KNOW HOW SERIOUS THIS WARNING IS. The book you are holding is only to be read by aspiring supervillains. It contains some of the most DANGEROUS and DEADLY secrets of the Universe and makes Professor Mayhem's infamous handbook Fun with exploding mega- lasers look like a relaxing bedtime story. These pages are packed full of the juciest details about perilous planets, lightspeed trips across the Universe, and deadly galactic monsters... and that's just for starters. IF YOU ARE NOT LEARNING HOW TO BE A SUPERVILLAIN, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS. Okay, I think we're safe. Everyone that is still reading... WELCOME TO ASTROPHYSICS FOR SUPERVILLAINS!

在你开始阅读这本书之前，我有一个非常严重的警告。 非常、非常、非常严肃。事实上，它是如此严重，以至于我要把“警告”这个词用大写字母写在这里，就像这样：警告，你走了。 现在你知道这个警告有多严重了吧。 你手里拿着的这本书是给有抱负的超级恶棍看的。 它包含了宇宙中一些最危险和致命的秘密，使梅赫姆教授臭名昭著的手册“爆炸超级激光的乐趣”看起来像一个放松的睡前故事。 这些页面充满了关于危险行星、穿越宇宙的光速旅行和致命的银河怪物的最公正的细节…… 这还只是开始。 如果你不是在学习如何成为一个超级恶棍，请不要读这篇文章。 好了，我想我们安全了。还在读的同学… 欢迎来到超级恶棍的天体物理学！

WELCOME BACK, SUPERVILLAINS! WELCOME BACK TO THE SUPERVILLAIN ACADEMY! IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE YOUR LAST CLASS. HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? UP TO NO GOOD, I HOPE? OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH SMALL TALK. We're here for one thing, and one thing only: TO TALK ABOUT ALIENS.

欢迎回来，超级恶棍们！欢迎回到超级反派学院！你上次上课已经有一段时间了。 你过得怎么样？我希望是不怀好意吧？ 好了，闲聊到此为止。 我们来这里只为一件事，而且只有一件事：谈谈外星人。

MOST PEOPLE RECKON THERE HAS TO BE LIFE OUT THERE AMONG THE STARS SOMEWHERE. Have you ever gone outside and looked at the starry night sky and daydreamed (or should that be nightdreamed?) about all the WEIRD ALIEN MONSTERS that might be out there? I think pretty much everyone has done this at some point. (IF YOU HAVE TROUBLE IMAGINING A WEIRD ALIEN MONSTER, YOU CLEARLY DIDN'T MEET MY SEVENTH GRADE GEOGRAPHY TEACHER.)

大多数人认为在恒星之间的某个地方一定有生命存在。 你是否曾经走到外面，看着繁星点点的夜空，幻想着（或者应该是噩梦？）所有奇怪的外星怪物可能在那里？ 我想几乎每个人都在某个时候这样做过。 （如果你想象不出奇怪的外星怪物，那你显然没见过我七年级的地理老师。）

THIS BOOK IS ALL ABOUT THE QUEST TO FIND THOSE ALIEN MONSTERS. (OR SOME ALIEN BUDDIES, IF WE'RE FEELING A LITTLE MORE SOCIABLE). We'll go on a JOURNEY AROUND OUR SOLAR SYSTEM looking for all the places aliens might be hiding on the planets around us. Then, we're going to ZIP OFF TO DEEP SPACE, hunting for signs of life on strange worlds. WE'LL MEET THE DEADLIEST PLANETS IN THE UNIVERSE, learn how to travel to distant stars, and plan a robot invasion fleet to explore the Galaxy. ALONG THE WAY WE'LL ANSWER QUESTIONS LIKE...

这本书是关于寻找外星怪物的。 （或者是一些外星人朋友，如果我们想更善于交际的话）。 我们将进行一次环绕太阳系的旅行，寻找外星人可能藏在我们周围行星上的所有地方。 然后，我们将飞向太空深处，在陌生的世界寻找生命的迹象。 我们将遇到宇宙中最致命的行星，学习如何前往遥远的恒星，并计划一个机器人入侵舰队探索银河系。 在这个过程中，我们会回答这样的问题：

1 WHAT'S THE WORST VACATION SPOT IN THE UNIVERSE? (ANSWER: IT'S HARD TO PICK JUST ONE, BUT SPENDING ANY TIME ON A BURNING PLANET CURRENTLY BEING DEVOURED BY ITS STAR WOULD DEFINITELY SUCK). 2 IS THERE ANOTHER EARTH OUT THERE WE COULD LIVE ON! (ANSWER... MAYBE! SCIENTISTS HAVE FOUND A WHOLE BUNCH OF COOL PLANETS THAT MAYBE- JUST MAYBE -MIGHT BE PERFECT FOR LIFE.) 3 ARE WE ALONE IN THE UNIVERSE? (ANSWER... YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO READ ON AND FIND OUT!) ...and that's just for starters! Our quest for life across the Universe is going to take us into the freezing seas of Jupiter's moons, around distant planets made of liquid metal, and on a mission to break the laws of physics themselves. WELCOME TO THE GREAT ALIEN HUNT!

世界上最糟糕的度假地点是哪里？ （答案：很难只选一个，但在一颗正在被恒星吞噬的燃烧行星上度过任何时间肯定会很糟糕）。 是否有另一个我们可以居住的地球？(答案… 也许!科学家们已经发现了一大堆很酷的行星，它们可能——只是可能——可能非常适合生命存在。)我们在宇宙中是孤独的吗？ (答案…你只需要继续阅读并找到答案！)…这还只是开始！我们对宇宙中生命的探索将带我们进入木星卫星的冰冷海洋，环绕由液态金属组成的遥远行星，并执行一项打破物理定律本身的任务。 欢迎来到伟大的外星人狩猎！