Chapter 0

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Before you start reading this book, I have a very serious warning for you. Very, very, very serious. It's so serious, in fact, that I'm going to put the word "warning" here in massive letters, like this: WARNING THERE YOU GO. NOW YOU KNOW HOW SERIOUS THIS WARNING IS. The book you are holding is only to be read by aspiring supervillains. It contains some of the most DANGEROUS and DEADLY secrets of the Universe and makes Professor Mayhem's infamous handbook Fun with exploding mega- lasers look like a relaxing bedtime story. These pages are packed full of the juciest details about perilous planets, lightspeed trips across the Universe, and deadly galactic monsters... and that's just for starters. IF YOU ARE NOT LEARNING HOW TO BE A SUPERVILLAIN, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS. Okay, I think we're safe. Everyone that is still reading... WELCOME TO ASTROPHYSICS FOR SUPERVILLAINS!

WELCOME BACK, SUPERVILLAINS! WELCOME BACK TO THE SUPERVILLAIN ACADEMY! IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE YOUR LAST CLASS. HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? UP TO NO GOOD, I HOPE? OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH SMALL TALK. We're here for one thing, and one thing only: TO TALK ABOUT ALIENS.

MOST PEOPLE RECKON THERE HAS TO BE LIFE OUT THERE AMONG THE STARS SOMEWHERE. Have you ever gone outside and looked at the starry night sky and daydreamed (or should that be nightdreamed?) about all the WEIRD ALIEN MONSTERS that might be out there? I think pretty much everyone has done this at some point. (IF YOU HAVE TROUBLE IMAGINING A WEIRD ALIEN MONSTER, YOU CLEARLY DIDN'T MEET MY SEVENTH GRADE GEOGRAPHY TEACHER.)

THIS BOOK IS ALL ABOUT THE QUEST TO FIND THOSE ALIEN MONSTERS. (OR SOME ALIEN BUDDIES, IF WE'RE FEELING A LITTLE MORE SOCIABLE). We'll go on a JOURNEY AROUND OUR SOLAR SYSTEM looking for all the places aliens might be hiding on the planets around us. Then, we're going to ZIP OFF TO DEEP SPACE, hunting for signs of life on strange worlds. WE'LL MEET THE DEADLIEST PLANETS IN THE UNIVERSE, learn how to travel to distant stars, and plan a robot invasion fleet to explore the Galaxy. ALONG THE WAY WE'LL ANSWER QUESTIONS LIKE...

1 WHAT'S THE WORST VACATION SPOT IN THE UNIVERSE? (ANSWER: IT'S HARD TO PICK JUST ONE, BUT SPENDING ANY TIME ON A BURNING PLANET CURRENTLY BEING DEVOURED BY ITS STAR WOULD DEFINITELY SUCK). 2 IS THERE ANOTHER EARTH OUT THERE WE COULD LIVE ON! (ANSWER... MAYBE! SCIENTISTS HAVE FOUND A WHOLE BUNCH OF COOL PLANETS THAT MAYBE- JUST MAYBE -MIGHT BE PERFECT FOR LIFE.) 3 ARE WE ALONE IN THE UNIVERSE? (ANSWER... YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO READ ON AND FIND OUT!) ...and that's just for starters! Our quest for life across the Universe is going to take us into the freezing seas of Jupiter's moons, around distant planets made of liquid metal, and on a mission to break the laws of physics themselves. WELCOME TO THE GREAT ALIEN HUNT!