Chapter 0

Before you start reading this book, I have a very serious warning for you. Very, very, very serious. It's so serious, in fact, that I'm going to put the word "warning" here in massive letters, like this: WARNING THERE YOU GO. NOW YOU KNOW HOW SERIOUS THIS WARNING IS. The book you are holding is only to be read by aspiring supervillains. It contains some of the most DANGEROUS and DEADLY secrets of the Universe and makes Professor Mayhem's infamous manual 101 Ways to Take Over the World look like a relaxing bedtime story. These pages are packed full of the JUICIEST details about DEADLY black holes, EXPLODING stars, and PLANET-KILLING asteroids... and that's just for starters. IF YOU ARE NOT LEARNING TO BE A SUPERVILLAIN, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS. Okay, I think we're safe. Everyone that is still reading... WELCOME TO ASTROPHYSICS FOR SUPERVILLAINS!

在你开始阅读这本书之前，我有一个非常严重的警告。 非常、非常、非常严肃。事实上，它是如此严重，以至于我要把“警告”这个词用大写字母写在这里，就像这样：警告，你走了。 现在你知道这个警告有多严重了吧。 你手里拿着的这本书是给有抱负的超级恶棍看的。 它包含了宇宙中一些最危险、最致命的秘密，让梅赫姆教授那本臭名昭著的手册《101种征服世界的方法》看起来就像一本放松的睡前故事。 这些页面充满了关于致命的黑洞、爆炸的恒星和杀死行星的小行星的最有趣的细节…… 这还只是开始。 如果你不是在学习成为一个超级恶棍，请不要读这篇文章。 好了，我想我们安全了。还在读的同学… 欢迎来到超级恶棍的天体物理学！

WELCOME, NEW SUPERVILLAINS! Have you ever looked up into a starry night sky and thought, "WOW! SOMEWHERE IN THAT BEAUTIFUL UNIVERSE... THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING THAT COULD DESTROY THIS LITTLE PLANET?" If so, you've come to the right place! WELCOME TO THE SUPERVILLAIN ACADEMY! If you're reading this, it's probably because you're pretty new here. Make sure you get someone to show you to your lair and introduce you to an EVIL HENCHMAN or two.

欢迎，新的超级反派！你是否曾经仰望繁星点点的夜空，心想：“哇！在那美丽宇宙的某处…… 一定有什么东西可以摧毁这个小小的星球吧？”如果是这样，你来对地方了！欢迎来到超级反派学院！如果你正在读这篇文章，可能是因为你是新来的。 确保有人带你去你的巢穴，并把你介绍给一两个邪恶的追随者。

(JUST STAY AWAY FROM THE DEATH RAYS FOR NOW-WE DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO CLEAN UP ANOTHER ACCIDENT.) It's my job to talk to you about the first—and most important!—course you'll be taking here: ASTROPHYSICS FOR SUPERVILLAINS. Look, I'm sure you learned some stuff about space in school. The order of the planets, maybe. Or the phases of the Moon. In other words, all the boring parts that make you want to fall asleep. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH STRANGE, TERRIFYING, AND DOWNRIGHT WEIRD STUFF THERE IS OUT THERE IN THE UNIVERSE THAT MOST PEOPLE KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT? Well, we're going to look at All of it. Not literally, of course: The FASTEST spaceship ever built would still take millions of years to reach even the nearest stars (WHICH WOULD MAKE FOR A VERY LOOOOOOOONG BOOK)

（只是现在离死亡射线远点——我们不想再清理一次事故。）我的工作是告诉你第一个，也是最重要的！-当然你会在这里学习：超级恶棍的天体物理学。 听着，我相信你在学校里学过一些关于太空的知识。 也许是行星的顺序。 或者是月相。 换句话说，就是那些让你想睡觉的无聊部分。 你知道宇宙中有多少奇怪的、可怕的、彻头彻尾的奇怪的东西，而大多数人对它们一无所知吗？ 好吧，我们来看看所有的。 当然，不是字面上的意思：即使是有史以来最快的宇宙飞船，也需要数百万年的时间才能到达最近的恒星（这足以写成一本非常非常长的书）。

We're going to go on an imaginary sightseeing tour across the Universe where we'll see some FASCINATING, DEADLY, and plain HORRIBLE things. We'll take a trip around our SOLAR SYSTEM and meet the planets that would FREEZE you to death (LIKE MARS), the planets that would ROAST you alive (LIKE MERCURY), and the planets that would CRUSH YOU, burn you, and DISSOLVE YOU in acid (THAT WOULD BE VENUS, VENUS, AND VENUS. VENUS IS A FUN PLACE!). We'll visit our SUN and find out exactly what happens when the Sun dies (SPOILER ALERT: THAT WILL BE A BAD DAY FOR PLANET EARTH). Uh- oh!

我们将进行一次假想的宇宙观光之旅，在那里我们将看到一些迷人的、致命的和纯粹可怕的东西。 我们将绕太阳系旅行一圈，遇到会把你冻死的行星（像火星），会把你活活烤熟的行星（像水星），还有会把你压碎、烧尽、溶解在酸里的行星（那就是金星、金星、金星）。 金星是个有趣的地方！)我们将拜访我们的太阳，并找出太阳死亡时究竟发生了什么（剧透警告：那将是地球糟糕的一天）。 哦-哦!

We'll also meet the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs and say "HI" to its friends who might one day doom humanity. After that, we'll leave the Solar System and take a trip around the MILKY WAY. We'll meet EXPLODING STARS that could wipe out all life on Earth in a flash (AND MIGHT HAVE ALREADY DONE SO IN THE PAST!), as well as black holes that can SQUASH literally anything into NOTHINGNESS, from people to planets. Finally, we'll head off into UNKNOWN DEEPEST SPACE and think about some ways the entire Universe might die.

我们还将看到杀死恐龙的小行星，并向有朝一日可能毁灭人类的小行星朋友们打个招呼。 之后，我们将离开太阳系，进行一次环绕银河系的旅行。 我们将会见到爆炸的恒星，它们可以在一瞬间消灭地球上的所有生命（也许在过去已经这样做了！），以及黑洞，它们可以将任何东西，从人类到行星，挤压成虚无。 最后，我们将前往未知的最深处的空间，思考整个宇宙可能消亡的一些方式。