Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9 'We've been here before, my little ninja,' the Archduke laughed scornfully. 'Be realistic, you know you can't beat me in combat. I'VE BESTED YOU BEFORE AND I'LL DO IT AGAIN. But,' he sighed, almost bored, 'while we're here, and in the best tradition of the baddie asking the heroine how they guessed their evil plan... humour me: how did you guess my EVIL PLAN?'

'It was the cheese that gave you away, the smell of Camembert. I smelled it on the train and knew I recognised it from somewhere. The Archduke laughed, but it didn't sound like he found it funny. 'You have no idea how hard it was to get that smell out

of my coat. IT COST A FORTUNE AT THE CAT GROOMER'S; I can't believe you could still smell the scent. There'll be hell to pay for this. 'I was taunting you on the train, you know. I almost hoped you would guess, just to make the whole thing a bit more fun! Life is so boring when you're an EVIL GENIUS and there's hardly anyone as smart as you to spar with. I've only got you and Larry and you're both such INSUFFERABLE GOODY TWO SHOES!' Toto ignored the insult and continued. 'The rest, it has to be said, was sheer luck on my part, and a classic blunder on yours. After one of your gang bashed me over the head, I pretended I was still out cold, and I

heard you explain the whole plan to your gang. It's NINJA 101, really. The Archduke shook his head, disgusted with himself. 'You're right, of course- NEVER EXPLAIN YOUR WHOLE PLAN WHEN YOUR NEMESIS IS IN THE ROOM... I'll never learn. Still, it doesn't matter now. You know, you make life so hard for yourself. I just don't understand why you won't come and work for me?' 'No thank you, answered Toto, preparing her hero speech. 'I'm perfectly happ—' 'Yes, yes, I wasn't actually asking, I was being rhetorical. We all know you're desperately happy, Larry is a god, humans are great, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, but don't you see, Toto, this plan is perfect! When

every animal in the country sees idiot Shorthair here perform his song, I will have control of them, their thoughts and their actions! Then there'll be no crime left for you to fight! What's the downside to that? Anyway, time is ticking, so I'm sorry, I have to chuck you off here pronto and get back to the world domination game!' 'Wait a minute, now I'm really confused!' All three cats turned to see a snivelling Jonny get to his feet, wiping his nose on his jacket. 'Firstly, Toto, I thought you were supposed to be protecting me? Secondly, YOU'- he gestured to Ferdicat- 'are meant to be my manager, so WHY HAVE YOU KIDNAPPED ME? Thirdly, I should be onstage right now

in front of my adoring fans, basking in my genius. Lastly, I want some MILK and a COMFORT BLANKET.' For a moment, Toto, Silver and ADF looked at each other in amazed silence at Jonny's ego and lack of understanding. Then the Archduke unleashed a wave of fury at him. 'YOU ARE NOT A GENIUS, you are just a good-looking idiot. You know nothing, your lyrics are predictable, I had to write most of this album for you, and without me you'd be busking on the streets of Margate... so SHUT UP!' The rock star burst into tears as the Archduke turned to face Toto. 'Well, shall we dance?' 'Be careful, sis,' Silver cried out.