Chapter 1

The last kids on Earth. Quintin AND Dirk's, hero Quest by Max Brower. Read for you by Robbie David. Oh, hello out there, everyone. Dirk, do you want to explain what's going on right now? Sure, do, Quint, old buddy. Not a big deal, but we are just kind of hanging out here in our very own book, right? Can you believe it? About dang time. Still not over June getting her own book first. Hmm, I suppose this is the point where we would usually need a recap. Holy cow, dude, we can do our own recap, do me the honor and narrate this thing. But okay, very quickly, we were headed to the tower to defeat Thrall using Drer, a source of endless ultra slime Der rules. There was a whole thing where he got kidnapped, but we sorted all that out. But we ended up in a giant shopping mall, which was atop agiant. giant We monster known as the mollusk. You know, apretty typical occur rence could happen to anyone, really There. We crossed paths with some old adversaries. Jack ran for mayor of the mall against its incumbent Go, a giant action figure. Rat cost is an inter-dimensional cosmic general again, all just boring, normal stuff. Love us. Fear us both. Love and fear us. Jack was being all emo and feeling guilty, so he ended his campaign for mayor and told them all citizens some harsh truths. He spoke with incredible elegance, blah, blah, blah, blah. Get out of here before you all die. Oh darn. We are all in big trouble and Quintin dirt step in and do courageous stuff just then tho. And his skeleton army attacked the mall. A third party candidate was declared mayor. You shall not take our Citadel, Thl. I may elect Johnny Steve have spoken. Dirk and I concocted a plan. Hold off to all skeleton soldiers so the mall citizens could escape. It was a live to fight another day thing. There was a huge epic battle. Dirk and I were magnificent to behold. Wait, a rocket. Quint, thanks, June. But then this horrific bone howler thing showed up. It went speeding toward the parking garage to stop our monster friends from escaping. Only the bravest heroes could save the day. Thus, Durk and I set off to stop the bone howler, and with that two very popular series regulars were left absent from that book's grand finale. We have no idea what happened next, but I heard the book and on some huge cliffhanger. I wonder what it was? Hopefully it was some very exciting setup for our book, But wow, that must have been a frustrating experience to have to wait so long to find out what we were up to. Sorry about that. Well, this is as good a time as any sidequest body's adventure. Here we come. By the bye. Thanks for helping me build this conjurer's cane .Ul. any time, toots.

chapter one "Hey QUIRT When you said your staff-thing would keep Jack and June safe,-what did you mean exactly? Don't know. Actually, I was just feeling myself in the moment. It was heat-to-the-battle talk. Also-it's not a staff thing. It's a conjuror's cane. But what did you actually learn from Yursl?" Dirk asks as he vaults over a crushed sunglasses kiosk and dodges a fallen VOTE FOR GHAZT banner. "It was mostly... conceptual," Quint says. "The big ideas. You see, the conjuring done by those from the monster dimension is not all that different from science in our dimension." "That conceptual junk better be good for fighting, 'cause fighting is about to happen..." Dirk says. Then he shuts up so he can just run.

At this moment, Quint and Dirk are speeding through the Millennium Super Mall. Their destination? The parking garage. Why? Because that's where the Bone Howler, loyal servant of the villainous Thrull, is headed. A battle awaits. And it's crucial the battle goes well, because the Bone Howler's goal is a vile one: stop the mall's monster residents from escaping—by any means necessary. Yup. The Bone Howler is bad news... SKREE

"We gotta hurry!" Dirk barks as he catches a flash of movement outside. Through a gash torn in the mall's side, he spots the charging Bone Howler. "It's gonna be at the parking garage soon! Quint, please tell me Yursl gave you, like, a tutorial for how to beat this dude?" "Maybe..." Quint says nervously. "Possibly." Reader, she did not. Dirk races up a broken escalator, taking the steps three at a time, and Quint follows. Their sneakers squeak and squeal as they speed inside a Lids store. There, a broken window gives them a view of the parking garage and the fractured pavement and train track graveyard beyond. "Carapaces!" Quint cheers, pointing to the garage. "The evacuation is underway." Sure enough, three of the crab-like creatures scurry out of the garage's exit tunnel. Atop each carapace is a car or truck—the carapace's shell—and inside each shell-vehicle are monsters: the residents of Mallusk City. Soon, another carapace scuttles out of the tunnel. Then another, and another, until dozens are marching out of the garage, out onto a hunk of uprooted parking lot concrete. It looks like the world's most bizarre homecoming parade.

"And look who's leading the getaway..." Dirk says, grinning. Johnny Steve, the newly elected mayor of Mallusk City, hurries alongside the carapace caravan, directing the escape. Or... attemping to... this way. Citizens I, your mayor will lead you to safety. You're pointing to a brick wall. Johnny Steve Right now, Quint and Dirk are clueless to the state of the battle raging inside the mall. They only know their best friends, Jack and June, are locked in a

desperate battle with Thrull. But here, at least, everything is going according to plan. Until— PSHOOM! PSHOOM! The sound of bone crashing against concrete— pounding hooves. "Here it comes..." Quint says, and then— The Bone Howler explodes into view! The evil beast is a nightmare of vine and skeleton. "All right then," Dirk says, drawing his sword. "No matter what, we don't let that thing reach the carapaces. We're too close to victory." Quint replies, "I'm not certain that fleeing in fear counts as victory." "We're fighting an other-dimensional skeleton army," Dirk says. "I count another ten seconds of breathing as a win." "Let's aim for fifteen," Quint says. And with that, Dirk cries, "HANG ON, DROOLER!" and jumps. He hits the ground hard, landing squarely in the path of the charging Bone Howler. Dirk's hand flashes, and his sword, dripping with Ultra-Slime, slashes upward.