Chapter 3

chapter three Dirk's not satisfied with Johnny Steve's answer—not at all. So Johnny Steve begins leading us through the maze-like depths of the mall, toward the Grand Protector, and—hopefully—to Drooler. "So how'd you wind up on board this thing?" June asks. "I wanna hear everything." Johnny Steve beams. "Oh, it is a most fascinating tale..." Nothing bad ever happens to me. Crunch. I was walking in along thinking how nothing bad happens to me. Then crunch. I'm vacuumed up by the mollusk

"And that," Johnny Steve says, with a mournful sigh, "is how I learned it is a mistake to store one's collection of spectacles in the same bindle as one's collection of souvenir mugs." "Does the Mallusk pick up everything in its way?" Quint asks. "Nearly everything, yes," Johnny Steve replies. "The Mallusk seems to choose its path by somehow sensing where there are creatures in need. So some on board are weary, injured, or hunted... while others just happen to be in the right place at the right time. Like us!" "Right place, right time," Dirk says. "Right." "Hey, wait!" June suddenly exclaims. "Where's Neon? I'm gonna give him so many scritches." Johnny Steve goes quiet and shifts uncomfortably. He tucks his walking sword under his trenchcoat, looking for any way to avoid June's gaze. "Johnny Steve..." June says. Her voice is heavy now. "Tell me where Neon is." Johnny Steve swallows. Then, finally, he says, "Well, uh... Neon exploded. Just... BOOM. He burst. Erupted. Like a water balloon." "WHAT?!" June shrieks.

Gotcha, a joke. You see, humans often use humor, even dark humor to cope with difficult situations. Not like that. Not in a, y'know? Hey, your friend exploded way. June has gone from "delighted to see you" to "ready to strangle you" real fast—and Johnny Steve knows it. "Truthfully, June," he says. "I do not know. Neon and I split up some time ago." "But he was OK?" June asks. "When you last saw him?" "Oh, most certainly!" Johnny Steve says. "Not exploded?" June asks. "Not exploded!" he answers happily. Then, quieter: "Neon had his own quest to attend to. Just as I am here, gone my own way, to be brave and do brave things— like a human!"

June blinks away any sadness about Neon. "This fight we're in..." she says quietly. "We each have to go where we're needed. I'll see Neon again, when it's time." "And Jack," Johnny Steve says, turning the next corner, "I believe these three are with you." "Alfred, Lefty, Glurm!" I exclaim. Relief fills me as I see my Zombie Squad. They are patiently waiting for me. A ton of fresh junk is hanging off them, including some pretty rad hats. They look like a so-bad-it's-good album cover... Jack's Zombiesquad featuring the hit single out of the goopy and into your heart.

"I knew you guys'd be OK!" I say. "C'mon, join up." And with a swing of the Slicer, I swoop them into a group, high-fiving each one as they fall in line behind us. Dirk's walking faster now. I can see him losing patience. "So who's this 'Grand Protector'?" he asks. "What do I need to know?" I figure he's working on a strategy for Drooler's rescue, and, perhaps, Grand Protector punching. "Auntie Anne!" Quint exclaims. "Wait, the Grand Protector is Auntie Anne?" I ask. "The pretzel queen?" "No! I smell Auntie Anne's pretzels!" Quint says. "Nearby." Then we all smell the sweet sugar-salt scent. And it suddenly occurs to me that we haven't eaten in way too long. In a flash, we're racing down the last corridor, giddy at the thought of cinnamon pretzel knots. Johnny Steve pushes open a heavy door and we're basked in a beautiful fluorescent glow. We gasp. It is... The Millennium Super Mall.